Guard Your Eyes

GuardUrEyes
A website for Jews struggling to maintain their moral purity in today's world
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Q. I am a bachur and I was hooked on pornography for a few weeks about two years ago, then I hit rock bottom and sincerely regretted it. A few months later I fell again, and was hooked for a few days, then was sorry, and now it's been a long time that I'm guarding my eyes and am careful even in the streets were I look. But I have a major problem. That is whenever I go out with a girl, she doesn’t excite me 'cause I remember all those beautiful models I used to look at.

A. First I want to say how impressive it is that you broke free and are careful today to guard your eyes. You are a true spiritual warrior! (Your case reminds me a bit of one of the recovery stories on our site. See here).

Still, I would advise you not to trust yourself and always use a strong internet filter. The Yetzer Hara can catch even the biggest Tzaddik off guard. And keep davening for Hashem to protect you from these Nisyonos.

 

As far as your problem with going out. It actually seems that the pornography you once saw did not affect you deeply. The reason I say this is because the nature of the addiction causes most people to become very easily aroused and they become attracted to almost any woman. By viewing so much stimulation, the brain becomes wired to be triggered by the slightest stimulation. So B"H you didn't fall that far.

 

However, I would like to emphasize how you need to internalize that the "gorgeous models" you once saw on the web are really the filthiest of the filthy. They are the garbage of this dark world. They are the poison of the Yetzer Hara, blood and veins, flesh, stink and rot, lust and sin. You should never compare the wonderful holy Jewish girls that you go out with, to this filth. Remember, it is not the container that we need to look at, but what is inside it. Look for a mentch, someone you can talk to and someone who shares your goals. That is what really counts. I'm not saying you should marry someone who you are not attracted to at all, but this is really not an Ikkar.

 

And don't think that marrying a girl you are very attracted to will save you from the Yetzer Hara. If a person doesn't constantly work on themselves, they will never stop lusting and will never get enough. Every woman has something that makes her attractive in a different way, and marrying someone attractive in no way is a protection against lust without constant guarding and working on one'self.

 

May Hashem always be with you!