Q. I have a problem. After watching so much porn i seem to be immune to seeing such perverted pictures. It’s like I’m numb to what is there. Not that i don’t want to see it, obviously there’s a reason i keep coming back to it, b/c I’m addicted to it. What is scary is that my mind can’t be in normal mode. Have i gone and ruined my - not yet - relationship with my future wife? Has my mind become distorted forever?
A. Dear Jew, The sooner you stop, the cleaner your mind will be when you get married. And yes, this can cause problems in marriage. If your wife senses that your mind is on other women and other fantasies when you are with her, this can lead to resentment and a rift between you. It takes a while for the mind to be clean, so stop NOW. You can do it. Jack just made it to 90 days (see his inspiring log here). If Jack can do it, you can too. He suffers from so many things, low self esteem, anxiety, abusive childhood, fear and constant pain (from a burst appendix in his youth which never fully healed).
"Jack" posts an answer on the forum:
All the advice will be the same - the sooner you stop, the better off you are. Don’t worry about the future. we have to do what's right - right now. it's hard, very hard, but we're here for you. it'll be hard, you tell us, we'll listen. stop as soon as you can. hit your bed with a tennis racket when the anxiety strikes. listen to the music on this site (even though i haven't heard any of it myself yet).close the doors and blast the music the loudest your computer goes. and let the anxiety out of your head. and then you'll feel better, 100 times better that you didn't give in. don’t you want to feel better?
"PostalServico" posts an answer on the forum:
I too felt immune to perversion...and as I went along, it became more and more perverse. But let me tell you that this immunity does not last, as long as you stay away from the perverse images. Part of doing tshuva is completely separating yourself from the sin. This step in the tshuva process will help break the immunity to perversion. What will emerge is a disgust of such filth.
"Battleworn" posts an answer on the forum:
I also had that feeling and I can testify that the damage is not permanent. I was particularly disturbed by the forms of shmutz that I got used to - some of the lowest stuff possible. I promise, that you can turn it all around -zedoinos naasim zechuyos and you can become a bigger tzadik than anyone who hasn't fallen as low. There is no question at all about it.
People like us have a tendency to break through normal barriers and this is an extremely powerful trait. When the brain doesn't control the heart, this trait is very dangerous. But when you do teshuva and get in control you have such a tremendous power, that others can't even fathom.
Im lo achshov aimusai!! Start the journey now before you miss the chance. But keep in mind, Hashem always expects us to do the best we can -no more and no less. The best we can, varies greatly -sometimes we can win 100%, sometimes x% and there are even times when we can't win at all. At those times all Hashem wants from us is to try our hardest. And if we do we will succeed!!!
"Kookooreekoo" posts an answer on the forum:
I used to be like you and nothing helped, until I was told that I am an addict, a "Sex-Addict", and that my only option is to work the 12 steps. Nothing, absolutely nothing in this world can keep me sober, but Hashem working with me thru the power of the program.
Listen my friend, if you are a addict like myself then be aware that it only gets worse, this addiction really kills. It kills us spiritually, mentally, and physically. Don't think that by just making phone calls, and/or posting on this forum you will be healed. It doesn't work this way.
Maybe you are not an addict, but if you are, then the only option is to work the twelve steps of recovery.
"Mevakesh" posts an answer on the forum:
One thing I can promise you:
No matter how filthy and desensitized your mind has become, it CAN be purified!
I can't imagine anyone's mind was lower, more filthy, more decadent, more disgusting, more anti-Torah than mine was.
Yet, with a lot of hard work, and even more Siyata D'Shmaya, my mind is not a slave to immorality and decadence anymore, rather my mind is a servant of Hashem.
Not that I don't still get Nisyonos, tests and urges, of course they exist. But I am in control of them now! I closely guard what my eyes see and thus my mind is slowly but surely transforming into a place of Torah, Avodah, Chesed and thoughts of Hashem and these holy thoughts are pushing the other thoughts further and further away. So much so, that the things that I used to enjoyseeing and even craved, are now things that if I see, make me sick to my stomache.
" Ohavei Hashem Sin'u Ra"- The more one loves Hashem, the more he will detest bad, sinful and immoral things.
The first step to cleansing your mind is to replace it with pure, Torah thoughts. There is no room in one head for both! You must choose a path!
The more secular media, and immoral trash that fills your mind, the less room there will be for Torah content. And vice verca.
I know I have written this so many times before, but I believe that we must purge ourselves, our homes, our offices and our lives of ALL secular media! The more "innocent" it looks, the worse it is for our Neshamos!
It is a tool of the Yetzer Hara. If he sees us trying to rid ourselves of pornography, he "convinces" us that watching CNN or FOX, reading the New York Post or NY Times, and listening to the "news" on the radio is kosher.
NOTHING could be further from the truth! The anchorwomen on the cable news channels are ASUR to look at! The "news" content in the newspapers and on the radio is full of shmutz! And the ads in the papers and on on the radio and TV are just as bad for your eyes, ears and mind as pornography!
DON'T FOOL YOURSELVES. IF YOU ARE HERE TO RID YOUR NESHAMA OF THE YETZER HARA, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT PORNOGRAPHY HAS MANY FORMS, NOT JUST THE RAW UNFILTERED FORM WE ALL AGREE IS BAD, BUT ALSO THE "INNOCENT" CONTENT BEING THROWN AT US FROM EVERY BILLBOARD, NEWS OUTLET AND SECULAR FORUM!
Chazak V'Ematz!