Q. I am 23 years old and you know that a young guy can't stop from havin sexual feelings. I can't stop masterbating. If a have sex with a single girl or a gentile girl and use a condom why is this a sin? Is it the same as masterbating?
A. According to Judaism, masturbation is a grave sin. Also, having sex with a Jewish, single girl who did not go to a Mikva after her menstrual period is a very serious sin and causes the soul to be cut off from the nation of Israel, unless the sinner repents. As long as the girl did not go to the Mikva, she is a Niddah and the sin is very severe. Having sex with a condom does not take off the sin, it only makes it worse since this is like masturbation as well as an intercourse with a Niddah. Sex with a gentile woman is also a severe sin. According to the kabalistic literature, sex with a gentile woman is like serving other Gods, placing the holy Brit of G-d in a place of terrible impurity. In other Kabbalistic texts it is brought down that when one has sex with a gentile woman his soul becomes tied to hers for all eternity and she is bound to him like a dog in the world to come. Like it says by Yossef Hatzadik "And Yossef refused to lie with her, to be with her" - and Chaza"l say - "to lie with her in this world, and to be with her in the world to come". Also it is brought down in the holy books that Avraham Avinu himself takes each Jew out of Gehenom in the merit of his holy bris, however, one who has defiled the bris, Avraham does not take out of Gehenom.
So you ask, how can a young guy like me do without masturbation, without sex with Jewish or gentile girls?
The question is valid. But the holy Torah gives us guidelines on how to live our lives. G-d created us and knows what is best for us. The answer of course, is marriage. Sex within the guidelines of the holy Torah is encouraged, and is a holy act that gives pleasure to G-d. You should go out with a girl with the intention of getting married. For more info on the beautiful philosophy behind Jewish dating, click here. For some advice until marriage, see here.
See also our Tips Page and start living a holy life. May G-d be with you!
Another answer from someone on the forum...
If you are a Jew, sexual relations with a non-Jew is one of the 3 things that drive G-d’s Presence (the Shechinah) from the world (See Zohar, Shemot 3b on this site in Zohar Passages). The first is violating the laws of family purity by having sexual relations with a women considered a niddah, who has not purified herself from her menstrual period. The second category is the man who has sexual relations with a gentile woman, as the Zohar explains:
For he enters the holy Brit and the sign that upholds the world into a foreign realm, as is written, “For Yehuda has profaned the holiness of the L-rd whom he loved, and has taken to himself the daughter of a strange god,” (Malachi, 2:11.) For we have learned that the Holy One Blessed Be He has no zealousness, except for His zealousness over the holy Brit, for this Brit (the Yesod) is the secret of the Sacred Name and the secret of faith. As is written, “And the people began to commit harlotry with the daughters of Moav,” (Bamidbar, 25:1) then, immediately afterward, “And the anger of the L-rd was kindled against Israel.” He who enters this holiness into a foreign realm transgresses the prohibition, “Thou shall have no other gods before Me…thou shall not bow down to them, nor worship them; for I the L-rd thy G-d am a zealous G-d,” (Shemot, 20:3.) For it is all the same zealousness (for bowing down to a foreign god and bowing down to have relations with a gentile woman are considered the same.) For this reason, the Shechinah flees from such a person. Being false to the holy Brit which is stamped on a man’s flesh, is like being false to the Name of G-d. For whoever is false to the seal of the King is being false to the King himself. He has no portion in the G-d of Israel, unless through the power of a constant (great) repentance....
Therefore, our advice is, try filling your free time with meaningful endeavor. If you are Jewish, sit in a yeshiva study hall and do some learning. Or do some volunteer work in an old age home. By engaging in acts of kindness, a person awakens the attribute of kindness (chesed) in the spiritual worlds, and this is a very great tikkun.