A website for Jews struggling to maintain their moral purity in today's world
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A Story From a Bais Yaakov Girl
This website gives me a tremendous amount of chizuk when I read it... I'm in a very different stage of life then most of you are in... I'm a single, Bais Yaakov type girl. Basically, I grew up in a very unsheltered home. In my home, anything goes... no topic of conversation is ever taboo and no movie is ever off-limits. As a pre-teen, I hung out with boys all the time. Throughout high school, I b''h formed a kesher with my teachers and was really able to gain from them... I went through a big change really quickly and stopped watching movies... said goodbye to all my former 'friends' and started working on my tznius.
I went to a very frum seminary and was never happier... I was debating whether or not to go home after seminary and after speaking to people about it, I decided the best thing for me to do was to go home. I spent a year in a secular environment out of kibbud av v'eim and was reminded of the 'culture' I had left behind. I got myself a laptop for school and that's when the problem started. I just can't believe how quickly I got back into the shmutz I left behind!!!
I found that the more I spent time with my 'Bais-Yaakov' friends' families, the more I was reminded of the kedusha I strive to one day build my home with. I was living a complete contradiction. Nothing made me happier than discussing a good sefer with my friends, yet at the same time, I was watching terrible, tuma'dik things on my computer.
One day, a teacher of mine called me to ask me if she can red me a possible shidduch. I told her I would think about it and as soon as I hung up the phone, the truth hit me! I opened a Tehillim and immediately started crying. I realized the consequences behind what I was doing and I felt like there was no way out for me... I wanted to be sure I had the ability to build a home that would be a fortress for my children... something I never had growing up. And yet, I saw where I was holding and what I was doing... I felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world.
I cried a lot more and read some more Tehillim. The more I read, the more I realized how much I was able to identify with in the Tehillim. I felt a certain sense of empowerment from the fact that I was enjoying the Tehillim. I felt, "You see, you CAN feel kedusha and you ARE shaay'ach to change."
That's when I started looking around for a program to help me filter my computer. In my search for information regarding filters... etc... I came across this fantastic website...
I am happy to say I have not been watching anything inappropriate on my computer for a little under a month now... I hope to continue and B'ezras Hashem be able to start thinking about the parsha of shidduchim real soon.