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I Can't Stop!
Taken from the Forum at www.jewishsexuality.com
It's summer. The weather is hot, and I donít have to tell what is going on out on the street. I have been happily married for three years but we havenít had any children, and maybe out of frustration, my wife has been eating a lot and getting fat. Not real fat, but now I realize how important that side of our relationship has been. I donít know why but for some reason the past week has been filled with lewd thoughts. I can't get my mind out of the gutter and i am thinking about this garbage all day long. Maybe its the weather. The point is I can't stop keeping my fingers from the mouse and clicking onto old favorites. It has to stop! These thoughts are so powerful.
Is there a way to stop them. Are there any extra prayers I can be reciting? Is there so extra type of learning I can take on? What do I do? Someone please help Ė I am desperate!
Someone replies on the forum...
You're not alone. In fact MOST of us have been in your place from time to time. The question is What do we do about it?
First, Make a resolution not to visit ANY sex site for at least 2 weeks. Take each day-1 day at a time. Prove to yourself that you are in control of your emotions and physical urges. This is what TRUE strength is about. If you slip and fall, dust yourself off and start over.
2nd, Try to spend more time w/ your wife. Take walks together. Channel all of that tension (fantasies) into your marital relations. Have relations with your spouse as often as Halacha and your wife allows. Try new ideas. Play.
3rd, Work out twice a week. Weight lifting (for me at least), is ideal. consider martial arts - Kickboxing/ Judo/jujitsu.
4th, Most importantly, give yourself a mental pat on the back at the end of each successful day.
All of the above has worked well for me.
Another reply on the forum...
1. Get rid of your computer.
2. cold mikvah or shower 3X a day
3. learn Torah themes with your wife to deepen your inner connection
4. keep the lights off
5. Rabbi Nachman says that a segula for braking the power of lust is to say out loud "Shema Yisrael" 70 times against the impure forces of the 70 nations which embody the sexual urge.
6. Guard your eyes when you go out to the street.