In a Dark Hole
Taken from the Forum at calmkallahs

I have what I perceive to be a genuine problem that I would like to ask your valued thoughts and if possible assistance.

I am a 27yr old Male living in London -UK.

I am married to a wonderful woman and I have 3 healthy children Thank G-d. I have a serious dilemma. I am addicted to the world of Pornography. I regularly buy magazines and I spend hours on the web looking at pornographic images etc. I don’t want you to think that this is borne out of not having a good sex life with my wife - on the contrary, I have a truly amazing sex life with her and I am very deeply in love with my wife. I just have this crazy obsession in porn and have used the internet as a tool to view this material. Obviously, this addiction has lead to the terrible sin of wasting seed and it is this in particular that I am broken about. In addition, I am finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on my T'effila and especially when I clench my eyes closed tightly for Shema, I always have flashes of the pornographic images before my eyes - however hard I try to blot them out. I consider myself extremely lucky to have a wife that is so pretty and attractive to me and that I am able to enjoy true and heartfelt sex with her on a regular basis, but I feel that I am cheating on her with my addiction. I truly feel that I am in a dark hole. Having said this, I feel that if there was one person who could help me it would be none other than my dear wife who understands me like no other person in the world. However, discussing this sensitive subject with her is bound to have its frailties and I need advice what to do and how to go forward.

Ya'akov