Cold Turkey
Taken from the Forum at www.jewishsexuality.com

I had an interest in porn from a very young age, with masturbation etc. but also worse with visiting prostitSutes before marriage. After I got married, I was OK for about 15 years as far as behavior goes, but my dark longings were there below the surface. About 10 tears ago, I got connected to the internet and all hell broke loose. I began spending many hours late at night surfing for porn, and at some point I began seeing prostitutes again. I can't tell you how many times I tried to stop, getting tested for diseases, and hoping that I would stick to my resolutions. But I couldn't maintain a distance for more than a few months at best, and lately a few weeks at most. Although I am living a secret life, my real life has been very affected. I'm incapable of projecting any intimacy to my wife, and I'm often distant and unavailable to her emotionally, even when I'm right there with her. I am wracked with guilt and feelings of 'all is lost'. At some point a couple of years ago the depression was so pronounced that I saw a psychiatrist and was put on an SSRI medication.  The depression got better, but my illicit activities resumed, and even getting more 'sophisticated' (in a negative way) up until the present.

Part of me knows that if I don't beat this and begin to live a normal life, it's only a matter of time until something horrible happens, which will cost me everything I hold dear -wife, kids, job, reputation, etc.

As of last Thursday, I decided to go cold turkey and here I am. I'm hoping that Tzvi's site serves as an anonymous forum for me and others to communicate and exchange chizuk while I heal.