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It Took Hitting Rock Bottom
Taken from the Forum at

Written by X-Wife

I was married for 4 years. The beginning was great but then things began to go bad. He started looking at pornography. We stopped having relations, which destroyed me, he stopped talking to me and his hate for himself turned on me. it go so bad that i thought i was going crazy, so bad was his hostility, his hatred for his affliction that i couldn't take it anymore so i took our daughter and left. 1.5 years later we got a divorce.

Four years down the road after the divorce and i have not seen such a wonderful father as my ex-husband. He has changed completely, a new person, out of himself and not in on himself, loving, kind, happy and the most important thing, not intense. He once said to me that his addiction was intensity everything else was the result of that. i asked him how did he change and he said, a lot of hard work, counseling, following the 12 steps, work, mussar, work and more work, forgiveness, work and work. He said he has been trying since the age of 12 to stop acting out, and the only thing that worked was understanding himself, 12 steps and work. We won't be getting back together but i respect him and think that my daughter is very lucky to have him as her father. Ladies, you must realize that it is an addiction, you must understand that an addict has only one way out and that is the 12 steps and hard work. If he wants to stop, he must take responsibility, and he may not so this until he hits rock bottom, what ever that means for each individual. But in the end, it is a commitment to the program and damn hard, honest work.