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The Most Important Decision of My Life
Taken from the Forum at www.jewishsexuality.com
I wish to write this post as a form of personal _expression_, by way of a true commitment to making the best of the most important decision in my life.
I hope that this post will serve as assistance and inspiration to many other people.
I grew up, and remain, frum. Al'P'halacha, Shomer Miztvos; School, 2 years yeshivah, local community - b'H.
I dedicate my life to the philosophy of being the very best in everything that I do
Some background: I am 23 - and basically have everything in place for an excellent future; of course, I have my share of personal difficulties and tests in bitachon - as we all do. But something is different. Let me explain...
I have a very sensitive Neshama (Soul) and as a result of being spiritual - I am extremely close to, and'feel' Hashem, b'H.
Nevertheless, for six and a half years I have struggled, constantly recognising my tests (mostly surrendering to temptation)and often feeling depressed, low, and frustrated.
The many times I 'examined my ways', 'never stayed down (and got up again)' and thought I had made the change
So my attitude is at least what is motivating me to fight; the belief in Bitachon, Choice. And that is what it comes down to...free will, the power of decisions (and the consequences that come with it)
When you choose to 'see Hashem's Hand in Everything' you feel amazing; for that moment life is AMAZING
Think about it. Recall a memory when you were happy, and everything felt good, really good. It was only because at that time you were enjoying that moment
Life is for pleasure, for enjoying...but only if it feels right or good (A brilliant question to ask oneself is whether this action will make HASHEM happy) - This is what its all about: remove the ego and live for Hashem
Further, you should know that Teshuvah must be a happy, and enjoyable process; your growing and developing yourself!! Think positive thoughts, be calm, weigh up the consequences before you act
Reallyconcentrate in Prayer (use a siddur), brachos, learning Torah...do not get distracted!! Devote your energies towards Hashem. At least then He will take you seriously.
And this is what it comes down to: Do YOU take Yourself seriously? Is Your life serious to you? Are you willing to accept responsibility (to do your best) to make other people happy, to help them?
It is never to late to change your thinking pattern of behavior, and decisions
Commit to making the best of your decisions and create your life the way that you want it to be
Live for your values, for what you believe in and for that which makes you - and Hashem - B'Simcha
May Hashem accept your prayers with mercy, forgiveness, kindness - and grant you the strength and the determination so that your inner beauty will shine