Guard Your Eyes

A website for Jews struggling to maintain their moral purity in today's world
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Guarding The Eyes

Read these great posts below to learn many powerful tips to guarding the eyes properly

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« on: October 20, 2008, 10:25:28 AM »

So I have had many "new starts" before, and have fallen each time. After finding and reading this site, I feel inspired to try again. Thanks to all those who shared their own story. A special thank you to the creators and mods of this site - Hashem should repay your kindness and life saving work with every imaginable bracha. May we all be mechaziek one another.

I realize that the main issue for me is the actual guarding of my eyes. If I would do that it wouldn't lead to other things....

I have destroyed years of my life already and it cannot go on. I have influenced others and damages innocent neshamos and it cannot go on. I I'H hope to get married soon and cannot be responsible for ruining another innocent persons life through such behaviors.

I realize that only the Creator of the world can help me be matzliach in this enormous challenge and upwards spiritual journey, so at this time before I start I beg and cry to Him on this holy day of Hoshanna Rabah with all my soul and heart to let me succeed in defeating the yetzer horah. I know He is "eme" (with me) at all times, and wants me to win this war.

I hope to sign in nearly every day to post whether or not I had success guarding my eyes the day before. I would love to make this upward journey together with others, so feel free to post along with me every day.

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« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2008, 10:26:26 AM »

Dear EME,

   Not only is Hashem with you, but now, ALL of us here in this forum are with you! Please believe that there is strength in numbers. The larger this forum becomes, i.e. the more members doing the same thing, i.e. involved in a very kadosh cause, the greater our power becomes. Just like when the shechinah dwells among 2 people, and ever more so with three people learning Torah, and of course when there is a minyan, the shechinah is there in even greater force. So, imagine with this group here who are all involved in the same thing....the battle for Hashem, and because this in fact may be or rather  (IS) the most difficult battle of this dor, I am sure that Hashem's attention is amongst us.

   I hope that this helps:

when I was struggling with shmiras HaEinayim, I felt that the Y"H was literally pulling and pushing my head in any direction that he wished. It was as if I had no free choice. The reason I felt like this is because...this IS what was happening. He was in control. Where ever I would walk, I tried and failed. Then, I decided to make very very small goals. I would accept upon myself, that the walk from shul to my home, (about 100 meters) I absolutely no matter what, would not look anywhere except at the ground. It was difficult, but this was a goal that I could handle. After a few times of doing this, I was able to increase the goal. During the same period when I was driving, which is much more difficult as we are looking almost everywhere in order to drive safely, I could see with my peripheral vision, that there were "interesting" things walking on the sidewalk. I literally had to scream and shout with pain in order to break the pull of the Y"H. This too worked, and immediately afterwards things became much easier.

  You are well on your way!
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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2008, 11:22:23 AM »

Eme, thank you for joining our community! And thank you "Me" for the great reply and tips.

Yes, Eme, you have hit the nail on the head. The site is called "GuardUrEyes" because no matter how complex this disease seems to be, emotionally, psychologically, physically, etc... it all boils down to guarding the eyes. If a person can guard your eyes, he is 99.99% healed. The heart and mind may be polluted from years of abuse, but they too will become pure and holy if one learns to guards his eyes.

But there are many levels. Even for one who has stopped with the porn and masturbation for a while, may find himself still struggling with keeping his eyes clean when out on the street. This is a valiant battle. But as "Me" said, with small steps and determination, it can be done.

Me gave some great tips. Here are some more tips that I can think of now (for guarding the eyes on the street)...

1) Tell yourself that no matter how painful it feels NOT to look, it will be MORE PAINFUL to look. Why? Because when you look, there are two acute pains you will feel.
a) You feel suddenly far from Hashem and from your goals.
b) You know you can't have it anyway, and when you look - you desire it, and you can't have it, and it HURTS.
So essentially, the pain you feel when not looking is MUCH BETTER than the pain of looking.

2) The pain you feel when not looking is HEALING pain, like the pain from an important surgery. The pain is healing you. On the other hand, the spiritual pain of looking is the pain of the disease getting worse. Which pain do you choose?

3) The pain you feel when not looking is not really your pain at all. It is the pain of the Yetzer Hara in his "death throws". He is screaming that you are hitting him hard. So enjoy the pain! You are feeling the pain of your enemy as he dies!

4) The whole desire is a blown up bubble of hot-air, built around what we see and imagine in the mind. Experience has shown us all, that as soon as we get what we thought we wanted -- what we thought was going to be absolutely incredible (according to what we saw and fantasized), as soon as it's done, the bubble pops and all that's left is "hot air". And we are left shaking our head and not believing that this was the whole thing for which we sell our very souls.

So in essence, the fact that we struggle so much with shmiras ainayim and all these powerful fantasies, and the fact that we need to use such strength and give our hearts over to Hashem - this all is really Hashem's greatest gift to us.

This sounds a little strange, so let me explain what I'm trying to say:

If we would just be like the goyim and just give in and get all we wanted in these areas, we would have NOTHING at the end. Do they have joy from this? The minute it's over, they are left disillusioned and seeking other pleasures to fill the void they feel. So think about it. Hashem has chosen us and uplifted us from the filth of the world with such kindness. He has given us the opportunity to give him our very hearts! We have the opportunity to make all these "valiant" struggles every time we turn away from looking at something the Yetzer Hara wants us to look at. But what is the alternative, if we would give in? Nothing! Emptiness and disillusionment! The Yetzer Hara promises so much but delivers nothing! So what I'm trying to say is, that this whole blown up desire we have, and all these difficult struggles not to look, etc... it’s all really a "game" that Hashem is playing with us. He makes us feel we are "ripping out our hearts" for him - and he indeed gives us the reward AS IF WE DID RIP OUT OUR HEARTS and he allows us to come closer to him than any non-Jew could dream of coming, and yet, it's all a game. For if one would be able to see in advance the way he would feel after he would give in, he wouldn't even have a struggle!!

That is perhaps what Chaza”l meant when they said that one day the Tzadikim will weep with joy that they were able to overcome the mountain of the Yetzer Hara, and Resha’im will weep that they couldn’t overcome this little string of the Yetzer Hara. One may ask, how could the Yetzer Hara really be two things? Well, based on what we just wrote above, it could be that the Tzadikim are talking about the “mountain” that the Yetzer Hara “FELT LIKE” – when they DIDN’T give in. But the Resha’im are seeing the little “nothing” that the Yetzer Hara really was WHEN THEY GAVE IN.

So it’s really all a game of Hashem’s chesed and love for us. Hashem is really only asking of us to over come a “small string”, but he makes it LOOK like a mountain so that we can truly give him our hearts and get the tremendous reward he wants to give us!

Remember this, and you will stay strong even in what “feels like” the most difficult moments!

Keep posting here and may Hashem be with you on your journey!