"The Less you Feed It, the Less you Need It".
Always remember this line -- it sounds crazy but it's true!
Our sages said "There is a small organ in a man, if you feed it - it is hungry, if you starve it - it is satiated"
Someone wrote us his story. Here are some excerpts:
….I started on the path to rectification….in the first month or two the desires were huge, but I thought how far I had gone and just knew I had to keep going. So another month or two went by, and before I knew it, my desire to masturbate actually was curbed!!!! I thought about porn and attractive women less, I didn't seek out pictures or stimuli, I even found myself averting my eyes from scantily clad females… Earlier, I had trained myself to scan for attractive images to store in my mind, and now I had somehow trained myself NOT to seek these images around me. That part I hadn't even tried for so much. In time, I found that as much as I was still a normal sexually functioning male, (i.e. I was fully capable of arousal if I encountered images inadvertently or a steamy movie scene), I really lost the desire to act on that arousal or to touch it. Having trained myself to habitually NOT act on my arousal, I actually felt myself lose the desire to do so. I no longer wanted to masturbate… And I took note of the sexual nature of female students a lot less! I was somehow accustomed to not looking so much. Or looking in a way that even if I did, was not stored as a bring-up-later image in my memory banks. And online, I might occasionally see enticing pictures, but I would never act on it. It became no longer a challenge.
So after several months straight of refraining from masturbation, indeed, my desire for masturbation decreased. This was like an exponential growth, whereby the longer I kept my streak alive, the easier it was to keep it going!
Thus when the sages say, as you repeat on your site, that "There is a small organ in a man, if you feed it - it is hungry, if you starve it - it is satiated", I KNOW THAT THEY ARE CORRECT!!! I've been through it! Maybe some of our great sages had to conquer this immense difficulty and I don't for a second doubt they had the willpower and righteousness to do so if necessary! But I am still awed by their wisdom. They are correct! Let no one claim to you otherwise. Let no chronic masturbator use his doubt of that saying as a pretext to disregard it, because it is indeed true....
My question is about masturbation... Why is it bad, and how can G-d want us not to do it, if it's something a person cannot control? And isn't there a concept that G-d does not give a person a test he can not overcome? I strongly doubt there is any person-no matter how great, who can say that he never did it.
Comments to Josh from tikunhabrit.com
Guess what kids...it's hard, it'll make you crazy, but I know many people who have made the change and stopped, and it's only a few month process.
Like anything, we humans are easily addicted to behaviors, the more we take, the more we need. Cut it off completely, and though you will be unsteady for a little bit (like a smoker who recently quits) but afterwards you will feel like you just burned off a cancer of your soul.
It's a freeing experience and worth the trouble, and ANYONE can do it, believe me.
--- After a while, Josh wrote back:
Josh: It's working... Ok, so it's a little embarrassing to talk about, but tip! The more it is talked about the more control I feel I have over a bad habit. I'm in that few month process now and I feel so strong doing it. And let no one say it is masculine to masturbate, because taking control (giving Hashem control) of your life is the most masculine thing a man can do. Someday my children will have great blessing because I handed my habit over to Hashem. Also remember that masturbation has the potential to lead into other sexual sins. And that is one of the factors that makes it so bad.
A non-Jew found that his addiction to masturbating was preventing him from going out to meet women, so he decided to try to stop completely. He opened a blog to keep track of his progress. I bring you here a few quotes of his because I think we can learn a lot from it. At first he writes how hard it is for him to stop, but as he hits the third week, he writes as follows:
I’ve noticed a few changes in my mind; I’m not as horny as I was initially when I first stopped wanking. The sexually charged beast in me was probably down to withdrawal symptoms, although I do appreciate women much more than I used to before, I don’t feel the need to fantasize about sex all the time, and my sexual urges have somewhat been reduced to a tolerable level.
I think this is a good development, and I think I have become a much more stable and confident person.
After almost 5 weeks, he decided to go back to his addiction; not because it was hard anymore--but for other reasons... See what he writes:
Initially quitting helped me to go out, however as days turned into week and weeks turned into month, I realized that I slowly started feeling sterile, towards the end of my journey I found myself turning completely asexual and simply having no desire for sex, almost like a monk or a nun. I had simply exchanged from one extreme to another.
Being wank-free is actually quite easy, whether you succeed or not depends on your willpower. The initial few days are quite hard, it’s particularly hard if you have nothing to do, which was the case with me. Once you hit the golden mile, you sort of lose all urges to jack off, this was after about 2 weeks, it got quite easy after that. For me after 2 weeks the fun was all over and I could have remained celibate for the rest of my life.... (which he chose not to do)
Excerpts taken from HerbChina2000.com - Ancient Chinese Wisdom
Avoiding sexual strain is another very important key for preserving health and prolonging life. Sexual strain means exhaustion due to intemperance in sexual life. Sexual life to the moderate degree plays an important role in longevity. But what is temperance? Our forefathers have accumulated rich experiences on this. Sun Simiao in the Tang Dynasty said: "The way for a man to ward off indulgence is to have sexual intercourse twice a month." "Those at their fifties have sexual intercourse once twenty days while those at sixties totally refrain from it." (Essential Prescriptions Worth a Thousand Gold for Emergencies). Liang Zhangju also stated: "In keeping fit, the most important thing is to accumulate the essence. The heart (mind) governs the body; accumulation of essence in the heart leads to mutual support between qi and blood, resulting in the physique being free from diseases. That is why gentlemen take good care of essence but are cautious in sexual activities....
Xu Lingtai, a physician in the Qing Dynasty, advocated "naturalness." He pointed out: "Sperm, as a living substance, is produced when sexual urge is stirred. There would be no production of sperm without heat. To be naturally free from sexual urge is beneficial...
...temperance should be exercised in sexual life. Overindulgence damages health and shortens life span. That is why ancient experts on health preservation likened overindulgence to "an axe or saw that break the bone," (Longevity and Life Preservation, by Gong Tingxian, The Ming Dynasty) "a cup of poisonous wine or an axe that cuts life." (Volume I, Miscellaneous Notes during the Guixin Years, by Zhou Mi, the Southern Song Dynasty) They suggested that "avoiding sexual life is like dodging thieves," (Records of Trivial Matters) taking temperance in sexual life as imperative for preserving health and prolonging life.
According to TCM theories, the kidney stores the reproductive essence whereas overindulgence in sexual intercourse in most likely to damage the kidney-essence. "Discussion on Ways of Invasion of Pathogens and Symptoms Viscera Diseases.", Chapter 4 of Miraculous Pivot said: "Excessive sexual activities injure the kidney." That is why experts on health preservation through the ages all laid emphasis on "abstinence from indulgence in sexual activities to conserve the essence" (Elementary Medicine, by Li Chan, the Ming Dynasty) and considered checking sexual activities to protect the essence as an indispensable link in keeping fit and prolonging life. It can be seen clinically that there are quite a number of men who become prematurely senile or even are bedridden with lingering diseases and die young because of loss of the kidney-essence resulted from marrying too early and having children too early and overindulgence in sexual pleasure.
The key to checking sexual activities lies in keeping the mind clear from avarice and wild fancy. Middle-aged men are harassed by all things and are weakening in the kidney-qi; they must not capitalize on their strong constitution for overindulgence in sexual pleasure. The aged who are weakening in the essence should all the more "hurry away from sexual activities and refrain from carnal desires," (Treatise on refraining Sexual Intercourse) to postpone senility and die a natural death. According to An Unofficial History of the Three Dynasties, a man named Bao Hui at the time, though eighty-eight years old, was still "energetic" and "could walk without any difficulty." When asked about the methods of keeping fit, he replied: "I have got a kind of bolus. It is a secret recipe which is not to be passed on to others." The inquirer asked what it was. With a smile, Bao Hui answered: "I have had 'sleeping-alone boluses' for fifty years." All the audience burst into laughter.