Tips from brisKodesh.org
1 Making boundaries
Even if a person is determined to stop, there are many times he fall into states of weakness during which sins.
The main solution is to make boundaries. This is the most important aspect for Shmiras Habris. The Kabbalah teaches that a person sins only when a spirit of insanity descends upon him. This is seen in practical reality for a person who wishes to be Shomer Habris has many separations between himself and the sin. At most times the person would swear that if he was given a test now he could pass it. He feels this and knows this logically as well. However once he starts entering the scene of temptation his Mochin-Mind and knowledge start leaving him little by little until he is committing the sin and has no ability or desire to control himself.
There is only one solution for this and that is to never fall into that situation in the first place. A person who wishes to be Shomer Habris, especially if he has fallen many times before must have ten barriers between himself and the sin. The second he brakes through the first two all the alarms must start going off in his head. By the time he has broken the third barrier he must even due an extremely fanatical action to get away. Even though he is still miles away from the actual sin and he believes that he can pull back at any second he wishes, it is not true there will be many times when he will fall. He is losing more of his mind every second and the control he has over his will now will not be the same in a short period of time. He must run away now even though it seems ridicules.
A person must sit down and make a list of all the things and situation that cause him to stumble. He must then set boundaries so he will not even come close to being in that situation.
2 Watching ones eyes
Chazal teach that the eyes see the heart desires and then the body acts. A person should not look at any improper images at any time.
A person might ask what is so bad if I read a news magazine, it will never cause me to sin, I am in full control. (besides the fact that each time a person looks at an improper image and has an impure thought that in itself is a sin). Yes this is how a person fall, most times is he was drawn into impurity from places like this little by little.
3 Do not say no, say later
The evil urge attacks a person through many ways including despair and confusion. If a person looks at the fact that he can never commit the sin for the rest of his life he may believe this to be impossible and give up all together. This is especially important when a person is in middle of a test and barely has the ability to fight this one round. The second he brings into his mind the fact that he must forever be Shomer Habris it is to much to handle, he then feels a complete helplessness and gives in to his temptations.
We have also established that the whole temptation to do an act of Pgam Habris is a temporary sprit of insanity that overcomes a person and then leaves him immediately after he sins. If a person manages to push off the temptation for even a short period of time many times he weakens it greatly. He can then easily prevent himself from committing the sin.
This is what a person should do. When he is overcome by temptation and does not believe that he can overcome his desires. He should not try to completely fight off the desire to do the sin. Instead he should say to himself that he will commit the sin and he will do so freely, but not now rather in 2-3 hours. This is not so hard to do for it is a lot easer to push off the evil urge then to fight it off completely. A person can in every single case push off the temptation for a period of time.
Even though part of the condition was that he would be allowed to commit the sin when the allotted time arrives, he might not even have the temptation to do so at that point. It is also possible that even if he still has a desire to commit the sin it is much weaker then it was a little earlier and now he can push it off again using the same technique but this time it will be even easer. Also as the allotted period of time elapses and the desire weakens a person can start doing some Tikunim and by the time the set period arrives he will be so strong that he will laugh at the fact that he wanted to commit a sin just a short while ago.
However all this is only after he has pushed off the temptation. At the time he is pushing it off, he can not think of any of this. He is only agreeing to push it off for a period of time after which he may sin freely. If these thoughts do enter his head at that time and try to convince him that it is all a trick and that he will stumble in the end, so why not just sin now. Still he must say to himself, if I fall in two hours, I fall and it is irrelevant to me now. Right now I am making an effort to push it off for two hours and then what ever shall happen shall happen. If I win I win and if I lose so I lose.
On a larger scale, a person should sum up how often he falls to these sins. If a person Heaven Forbid is Pogem once a week or even once a day (Rachmanah Letzlan) on an average basis, he should acknowledge that fact. Assuming he is Pogem once a week, he should say to himself instead of being Pogem once a week, from now on I will be Pogem only once every two weeks. On this second week I will be Pogem freely and not even try to stop myself.
This is what a person must do; most times when the allotted time arrives he will be able to push it off further. Even if he falls and commits the sin when the time has arrived he has still won, because he has fulfilled his condition and has only sinned one time in the time he has normally sinned twice. Now that he sees it wasn't so hard to hold off until the allotted time, he can add more time to the condition and push off the sin for three weeks.
This is what a person must do, push off the sin more and more until he weakens it and breaks it completely. If he falls in the middle, it is not the end of the world he will just get right back up and continue pushing it off again and again. If he gets back up a number of times and continues fighting there is no doubt that soon he will break this Klipah and become Shomer Habris.
4 Replace your lust with another desire
The lust to commit sins associated with Pgam Haabris is very strong. However a person also has other desires that are not nearly as destructive. Every person also has the desire to eat. While controlling ones desire for food is very important while trying to progress spiritually or while doing Tikunim, it comes in line much after a person has total control over desires to be Pogem Habris. If a person is experiencing a strong urge to be Pogem Habris, he should deflect this desire into food. He should go and by himself 4-5 hamburgers or a full tub of ice cream. He should then place all his temptation into that until he has nullified it.
5 Stay away from boredom
Chazal say straight out that boredom leads to the various sins of Pgam Habris, and one can see this from experience as well. When a person is bored his mind automatically starts wondering to thoughts of impurity. This is very common until a person has purified his mind and learned to control his thoughts. When a person has nothing to do he looks for something to pass away his boredom. He can easily fall to the trap of reading books and watching movies all of which contain impurity. While this in itself is a sin, it often leads to even worst actions.
A person who knows that on a regular schedule he has blocks of time that he will have nothing to do, should set up in advance a number of things that he will be able to occupy himself with during this period of time. Obviously the best thing would be to do Tikunim and study Torah. If he can't do this he should try to involve himself in some Chesed. However a person is who is far from Kedusha is not always in a state where he is able to do these things. Still this person must do anything to keep himself from being bored. A person should even waste this period of time playing computer or video games, any thing that will keep his mind occupied. (These must be totally free of impurity)
A person should have something lined up to do before he falls into a situation of boredom. He should also have two three things lined up in case one doesn't work out.
WARNING: do not try to pass your boredom by watching TV, movies or surfing the web. Even if you are committed to looking at only clean materiel, many times you will end up passing into impurity due to your state of boredom. In addition many times an impure image or provocation will come across your path and draw you into further impurity. The some warning goes for reading books or any newspaper or magazine. Almost all materiel printed in western society contain impure pictures and writings. Even if you expect it, or convince yourself that it is clean, many times you will come across an impure part and will not be able to resist looking at or reading it, this can easily draw you into worst desires. Remember a person who was Pogem many times, is a very weak person when it comes to tests like these.
6 Do not hang out in the Bathroom
The bathroom is a place of impurity; it therefore leads a person to have impure thoughts if he remains there for to long. A person is also undressed when going to the bathroom or taking a shower, this places a person in a situation that he should not want to be in for longer then he has to. One should stay in the bathroom for the shortest amount of time possible.
Many people have mirrors in their bathroom. These should be removed, for the eye sees the heart desires and then a person sins.
Many people have reading materiel in their bathrooms to help pass time. Most printed materiel today contains elements of impurity and should not be in your bathroom. Even harmless books and magazines are all coated in impurity. Even if it is a perfectly clean book one should not be in the bathroom for longer then he must.
7 Never look, touch or scratch your Bris.
It is forbidden according to Halacha to look, touch or scratch ones bris or the areas around it. This is a protective barrier to keep a person away from Pgam Habris. It is not hard to do at all; it is extremely easy once a person becomes accustomed to it. When a person goes to the bathroom he should use a tissue or the end of his shirt rather then touching his Bris.
8 Do something extreme
This is the real and only game. Your very life and soul are at stake, you have to be ready to do even an extremely fanatical action to save yourself from Pgam Habris. For example, if a person, heaven forbid has a habit of being Pogem Habris while in bed. This person should take a lighter or box of matches and put it by his bed. He must then firmly make up his mind that next time he has an urge to be Pogem he may do so, as at this stage he might not be able to prevent himself. However first he must burn his hand. If a person firmly commits to doing this he is guaranteed to be saved from falling to his temptation. A person must grow up and leave the immaturity of Western Society, there is nothing wrong with taking such preventive measures for this is a battle that a person can not afford to lose.
9 - Clean your house of all Klipot
The average home in Western Culture is filled with hundreds if not thousands of objects containing impure material. Even families that will not bring objects such as movies or internet into their home, still have many books and pamphlets containing impure pictures and writings. Besides the fact that these objects attract spirits of impurity just by laying around the house, they often cause this person and his family members to sin.
Every person must do a total search of his entire home and cleanse it of all Klipot. It is quite obvious that a person must get rid of his television and videos ect. Any person who has such objects in his house is guaranteed that he and his family members will transgress many various forms of Pgam Habris. However even newspapers and magazines that officially contain nothing wrong, often do have much impurity in them. A person should cancel all the subscriptions to newspapers and magazines as well as rid his home of all non Jewish books.
Even if a person must have various books or internet for business reasons and is confident that he himself will never misuse them. Know this, your little children are not so stupid when it comes to these matters. The Sitra Acher is more then happy to provide them with energy to access these materials, if they are lying around your home. Most family problems come from the fact that there are people being Pogem Habris in the family.
When you search your home to eradicate the Klipot, do not worry about the monetary loss caused by throwing away valuable objects. If you have piles of DVDs worth thousands of dollars, do not hesitate twice, throw them out immediately. Let this be your sacrifice to G-D, he can easily replace the money for you. Never give or sell your defiled objects to another Jew so he may stumble on them. Remember the harder it is for you to throw something away, the bigger Tikun it is when you do.
10 It is not your friend it is your worst enemy
Sometimes when a person is depressed, weak, lonely the Klipot pretend to be his best friend. A person's imagination also helps the process, giving him many rationalizations to be Pogem Habris maybe even claming that it is good for him. Do not let them lie to you. The Klipot are trying to do one thing, suck a person dry of energy. Even if your state of mind does let you comprehend that they are your enemies, you can recall that a number of days ago when your mind was calm it was very clear who your true enemy was.
If you are alone in a room, growl at them, yell out "Get away from me, you defiled, wicked Klipot. You are not my friend you are my worst enemy, all the suffering that I have suffered is only because of you."
Depression is one of mans worst enemies. Most of the times that a person succumbs and is Pogem Habris it is a direct result from depression. A person should do anything to get of depression (obviously excluding any activity that is even remotely related to impurity). Rabbi Nachman of Breslov gives many tips and advice how a person can avoid depression.
One must also keep in mind that most of his depression was actually caused by him himself through his various sins. There is nothing that causes depression as much as Pgam Habris. This is due to the fact that much of his mind and emotions are not under his control any longer but are being controlled by the impure spirits he created as well as by his animalistic soul. Also a person who was Pogem Habris, most of the things he tries do not work out. In addition he is put in many stressful situations and is brought through much suffering.
The more Tikunim a person does the more he removes this state of depression. A person must acknowledge that since he has fallen many times he must now go through a period of darkness as he is tested to see if he remains strong. If a person was Pogem for many years he can not expect everything to be gone in a week or a month. A person should just look at these states as something that will soon pass. If at that particular minute a person doesn't have energy to do tikunim, he shouldnt do any. However he must be extremely careful not to fall back to Pogem Habris no matter what the costs are. Very soon he will once again have a new spurt of energy that he will be able to use to do more Tikunim.
12 - The first 40 Days
The arch step of creation is completed in 40 days and this manifests many times in scientific reality. When a person wishes to distance himself from a bad habit the first forty days will always be the hardest, it is during this time that he paves a path. When a person wishes to become Shomer Habris then his hardest struggle will be during the first 40 days as he plows his path through the spirits of impurity. After the first 40 days a person has passed a large milestone and although he is far from safe, the overall test has just become easier. This does not mean that he will not be tested periodically from time to time, it means that he has made a nice separation between himself and the sin and now he can start gathering strength to fight the bigger tests when they come.
13 - You are not safe yet
Even if a person has gone for a long period of time being Shomer Habris he should not consider himself safe. He should not start letting down his guard and crossing the boundaries that he has established for himself. They are just waiting for him to do that so they may once again try to catch him in their trap. A person must be very weary of the Evil One and his techniques. Even if a person feels very pure and that he will not be effected by letting down his guard he should be aware that this is all a trap. He must continue fighting and doing Tikunim. Even a person who has been Shomer Habris for years if he starts being loose with his boundaries, he might be set up on a test that might be hard for him to pass.
More tips from www.brisKodesh.org
If quitting for life is to much for a person to handle, he should look at one day or week at a time.
Also, if a person can overcome his embarrassment and talk to his rabbi or friend about this subject, it will help greatly.
Many halochos were created to prevent a person from committing this sin. These are especially relevant to people who have already been pogem.
Never touch or look at your bris (sexual organ) be especially careful when going to the bathroom or showering.
Do not wear tight clothing especially underwear (wear only boxers).
Do not do anything that will warm your body before going to sleep. Eating certain foods and wearing certain clothes can give a person temptations.
It is self understood that you should not go near any books, movies, magazines, music, Internet and newspapers. All these are overflowing with poison. If one is smart he will avoid them completely. Do not say "I can continue to watch movies, read books but stop sinning" those who say this are fools.
Everyone should analyze their own personal situation and devise a plan to escape destruction. This includes many fences and preventive measures.