Guard Your Eyes

(The drive we have)... is the way the Creator Yisboreich made it; we do not know why. The idea is to control it, instead of it controlling us. But one should not feel that he is not
normal because he has the drive.

Not having something that one feels pressured to do is a great help --- for the yetzer hora. Chazal say that batoloh mayvie lidei zima. I think that I once read something in a book by Rabbi A. Twerski shllitoh which sticks in my mind. " A Jew is too busy to have time to sin".

(If you keep falling and feel down about it)... you should be happy, very happy, that you CARE !!! You therefore have the right to ask Hashem to translate this into ma'aseh more. And you aint the only one that did not have patience at first, or for a long time, but after trying diligently instead of giving up, grew in holiness.

(Many people struggling with these things, also struggle with depression and they)... may need a therapist that is trained in addictions, and also other things. And, according to what I read, anti-depressants or even other types of meds do help many people and may be worth a try. It may take a while to discover which one or ones work for you and how much you may be willing to put up with slight side-effects such as being sleepy for a couple of weeks. Seroquel and other of the newer atypical a/s come to mind as only one option. However, SSRIs are more likely to help. There is a whole section on this site about chemotheraphy (that is, treatment with medications). But there are even other options. I have read a little about this because I need these things for other reasons, or at least find them useful. Did you see that section of this site?

To anyone who wants to know how the 12 step program has a source in Torah, I remember reading Rabbi Twerski's (approach) explanation of this in one of his books, but do not remember which. He was quite amazed to discover this if I remember correctly. (Webmaster's note: perhaps the book called "Self Improvement? I'm Jewish!")

Just a few thoughts/ comments:

I seem to have stopped whatever I was doing soon after finding this site.

I'm not sure why, but one reason probably was, seriously, because I would rather stop than have to go to those meetings. That may have been the last straw, together with what I know it says in chazal and sforim about these matters. Or it may have been enough of a reason by itself.

I seem to be saying to myself that I AM BETTER than being a person who cannot control himself from doing such a horrible aveiroh. This is probably pure gai'vah, but appropriate for something like this.

I am taking the approach, more or less, that instead of fearing that I WILL DO such things, that I WILL NOT. However, based on how I understand some things that R. Twerski has written, I realize that I better be careful.....

I can't help thinking that there must have been millions of people that did these things in previous generations and eventually stopped using other methods than the 12 steps. If they could stop, so can I/we. Weren't there probably many if not most people who were nichshol in chatas neurim and then stopped? That is why it is called chatas NEURIM. And, if so, did not at least most or at the very least a good deal of them stop at some point? However, anyone who is not stopping, including me, would have to fall back on those (twelve steps etc.) methods.

It may be wise for many for at least some individuals to recognize that they indeed have the ability to stop finally without 12 steps or similar long-term solutions.

You probably are aware that there are shots, as listed on this site under medications etc., which completely turn off this desire. It would seem to me that if you want you can use this method for one to twelve months if not medically contraindicated. After that period of time, you may or may not no longer be "addicted" to this desire.

I asked Dr. Krueger if the shots would accomplish making one not "addicted". Here is his answer:

No, one would not loose it; one would gain control over it while they were taking the shot; one might be able to learn other ways of obtaining control while on the shot so that if they stopped they would be able to control themselves. However, there is no guarantee of this, and some might have to stay on the shot forever.

If you are interested I would be happy to evaluate you, but I have a private practice and fee for service.

Dr. Krueger

Medical Director
Sexual Behavior Clinic
New York State Psychiatric Institute
& Columbia University Department of Psychiatry
1051 Riverside Drive, Unit #45
New York, NY 10032-2695

Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry
Columbia University, Department of Psychiatry
College of Physicians and Surgeons

Associate Attending Psychiatrist
Department of Psychiatry
New York-Presbyterian Hospital

E-mail: rbk1@columbia.edu

(For someone who has trouble sleeping and therefore masturbates)... you can do what I did. I took sleeping pills. The problem is that most general doctors, primary care and internists, do not know as much about these medications as psychiatrists. (I never tried a neurologist.). And even among them, I had problems. But, it may be worth a try. Just tell him that you cannot sleep and that has serious consequences for you. That MAY work, but not all of these want to prescribe sleeping pills at all for long periods of time.

You can point out that there are newer hypnotics (sleeping pills) that have been cleared by the FDA to be used for long periods of time, as well as SSRIs, which are not considered "sleeping pills", and can be taken "forever" that make many people sleepy.

There are many other options as far as meds are concerned.

The first thing that most MDs, who know what they are doing, will probably tell you is to get a good book or expert advice on "sleep hygiene". I did not try much of that, because it was a very serious problem with me; I could not fall asleep and that was driving me crazy. (Exercising about 3 - 4 hours before sleep is one thing that is mentioned in these books, if I remember correctly, and someone else mentioned in his reply to you.)

The Sefer Chassidim, in around chap. 495 and after, maybe some chapters before that one also, talks about why men love various women, obviously not married to him, and other things on the subject.

It happens. We are human. The thing is not to act on it. Usually we get over it if we are not faced with that person on a steady basis. Right?

For a good internet filter, try Bluecoat k9. It is free. I have it and gave the password to at least 2 people.

You can block key words with k9 too. Just get rid of the code right after you do that. And get someone else's email as the one that is associated with your account at k9, so you can't get the password emailed to yourself.

When I need a site opened, here's what I have done. I actually trust myself for a few minutes, (some people might want to make a shavuoh), and get the password from someone who I gave it to. After the adjustment, I destroy it. I only do this because I cannot convince anyone to actually come over to my house and do it himself, and I live alone.

I hope I would be able to find someone who would actually come over himself if that became necessary often. But, it hardly is ever necessary to make any changes in the k9 filter, as I set it up "custom".

The other suggestion is to leave the pw somewhere where you can get to it, but with difficulty, like a mile away or further from where you ever are, or something like that. Even better, in a shul 10 miles from you. AND you know that you will destroy it right away. This suggestion is only a last resort.

However, you should not have too much trouble finding someone you can trust with the password to either keep it for you or preferably actually make any adjustments for you or while he is watching. Especially with remote (computer) capability. ( I wish I knew how that works.)

This is a desire which is given to us, by G-d, and I do not think that anyone would claim to understand why it has to be this way. I have seen in seforim where the author says this about himself, not knowing why that is.

However, we also have a yetzer tov. There is a constant battle going on between them. Moreover, it gets easier over time. I am under the impression that after the first 40 days or so, it is a different type of game. I hope to prove myself correct. This is true of other middos and behaviors as well.