Guard Your Eyes

GuardUrEyes
A website for Jews struggling to maintain their moral purity in today's world
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"Crakerjack" posts on the forum


Yesterday was a good strong day B’H. I pummeled the Y’H right where it hurts and he slunk away a beaten man. He tried so many times to entice me throughout the day in so many different guises. B'H each time I knocked him for six. I devised several different ways of controlling my eyes and thoughts one of which I find particularly helpful. When I reach the traffic lights and stop for the red signal I invariably used to look/gaze at the drivers to my left and right and make eye contact with them. I would do this after shul on the way into the city to my office. The good Hashba'os from Shacharis would be obliterated by my careless looking at women in their cars. It would practically set the tone for the day and was a perfect kick start for the Y'H. Now he had me on a roll and then it was plain sailing for him once I got into work (with the thoughts of what I had seen on the way in) and before my PC in my private office. Now, whenever I reach the lights, I look down at my tzitzis, count the strings and fiddle with the knots. I think of the reason why I'm wearing these and what they signify. I recall the words for which these holy strings were instituted - 'veloi sosuru acharei levavchem ve'acharei eineichem asher atem zoinim achareihem'. I only move off once the fellow behind me sounds his horn. I don't care making him mad at me for not moving the second the lights turn green. 'I am engrossed in my private battle that I'm determined to win so you behind me can wait 2 more seconds before moving off’ The best nachas is the fist he waves at me when he overtakes me! That’s the Y’H's fist saying 'I’ll get you next time'!

I don't think so sonny, have a rotten day and I hope you’re unsuccessful in everything that you do!!

Where did I get the strength from? I never used to have the strength to be so powerful in my self-defence. Never before did I think that I would be able to beat him with such ease.

I'll tell you where I got the strength from; from the likes of ME, ELYA K, MEVAKESH, NICEGUY and all the other wonderful fellow warriors. I tell you, I'm not kidding - if it were not for this forum, I would never have had the ability to make a start on my missile defence programme!

I am not under any illusions. I am no fool and I fully appreciate that the all empowering and conquering feeling may not last forever and there are possibilities that the defence system will be on the blink. However, I can draw strength from the fact that there are others that are willing me to survive and fight on and that they themselves are stuck right in there on the same battlefront fighting the same enemy. Not only that, they are happy to share and discuss their tactics and ideas in how to ultimately rid themselves of this cancerous evil entity.


Just want to share an amazing thing with you that just happened.

During the summer holidays, I withdrew £100 from my Visa Card at the cash machine at the petrol station for intention to use it for a terrible aveirah. I battled with the YH for several hours, I even drove all the way to the place of the nisayon and got out the car. To cut the long story short, B'H I withstood the test and overcame the temptations. I got in the car and drove all the way home. I gave the £100 to my wife and told her to buy herself something nice.

I called the bank this morning to make a Visa Card payment. They told me that the account was cleared and there was no money outstanding?!! I insisted that I had withdrew the £100. I gave them the date and they said that I couldn't possibly have done so seeing as my card was inactive on that day!! He said that even if I did (he didn't believe me), there was no record of it anywhere on the system!!

I'm astounded beyond words....


The possuk of "Acheinu kol beis yisrael, hanesunim batzoroh ubashivyah" doesn’t necessarily refer only to those unfortunate yieden in danger in Sderot and Kiryat Shmoneh etc. It’s referring to US TOO! I’ts referring to those of US 'happily married with comfortable houses and decent standards of everyday living'  who are enslaved and embittered to the terrible tzoroh of the yetzer horah who entices us daily with his snarling long reaching tentacles that cause us to be mashchis zerah.......

We beseech from Hashem, Hamkoim yerachem aleihem (US) ve'yoitze'aim me'tzarah lirvacha - Dear Hashem, have mercy on us and tear us away from this terrible tzarah, me'afaila leoirah - from this terrible daily darkness and emptiness to the wonderful light of your shechinah, umishib'ud lig'eulah  - and take us from the shackles of the empowering yetzeh horah to the freedom of serving You with a clean heart, Hashtah, ubizman koriv ve'noimar Omein!


In this week Parsha, we say "Eicha Esah Levadi". I would like to suggest that in addition to the poshut peshat, another thought is "how can i carry this burden of guilt/addiction/sin alone?" The answer is, that we cant manage on our own. We need each other to help one another climb out of this mess and if we all stick together and help in each others problem by the various means available, we will all prevail in the mother of all battles in beating the Yetzer Hara.


This forum is truly revolutionary! Never before in the history of mankind have a few sincere married frum men got together and agreed to help their fellow addicts beat an addiction so addictive. Never before have people had the guts to admit that they are having a problem with mz''l and want to address it.

I also take great comfort that you Mevakesh understand me from where I'm coming from. For so many years I mistakedly assumed that NO-ONE would ever understand me and that what i was going through was different from anyone else. How wrong I was.

I love it that finally people understand me and genuinely care. You mentioned my olam haba, It's more like your olam haba for caring!


Crakerjack writes on Erev Sukkos:

It's been a long time since i posted on this forum.

I just wanted to write a few words that i feel are necessary to note at this time.

When I 1st started posting on this forum, I was despairing and in a hole that I thought I would never be able to climb out of. I was feeling so low and distant from the reality and warmth of Heimishe Yiddishkeit. I felt that I was losing a private battle and in a cold place where there were no friends.

I always felt at this time of year that after giving it all on Yom Kippur, I would make a extra hard effort to maintain the level of kedusha after Yom Kippur and stay on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, in the past, the feeling of 'prikas ol' set in so quickly and succos flew by with little or no spiritual impact as a result of me acting out so soon after Yom Kippur leaving me to battle the winter starting off on the wrong foot.

This year for the very first time, I have been able to have the confidance that it's going to work for me and that I will prevail the nisyoinos and win the first round. I feel supremely lucky to have had the opportunity to use this forum throughout ellul that has had a direct influence on how I feel now and how I'll manage over the next few weeks.

So I just wanted to thank you all again - 'E efshar le'fortom ki rabbim heim' the individuals who have spoken to me on this forum and those that have helped me through difficult times - I am eternally grateful.


Crakerjack writes on Erev Hoshana Rabba:

I posted last week regarding the change this year in how I feel. In previous years the feeling of Prikas Ol were very empowering at this time of year and the ensuing Yom Tov of Succos/Shmini Atzeres/Simchas Torah had little or no impression on me.

This year has been AMAZING! I feel so different. I have been looking forward to shaking my arba minim each morning and wrapping myself up in my tallis for Hoisha'anos. It never used to be that way - NEVER!

Also, for the first time this year, I have reached the target of Shmini Atzeres without missing a minyan, staying clean and pure since well before Rosh Hashana......

As a direct result of my hard work (my G-d it's been tough) I have utilised the free offer of 'koroiv H-shem le'koire'ov' and I've found that my closeness to H-shem has brought me closer to my dear wife which has reaped the obvoius benefits.

With the greatest start of a year for me ever, I now feel stronger that ever before to battle the winter. I know it'll be tough and not always upbeat but thats no excuse for not trying.

So once again, I thank all of you for your support, I'll get in contact with you Mevakesh after succos. MD, thanks for your appreciation I have every belief that you will prevail.

I love being Jewish. I love the fact that this site exists and I love each and everyone of the contributors for their wise advice and caring words of support.


To someone who was struggling and falling, Crakerjack writes (on Erev Hoshana Rabba)...

Your struggle is all too common amongst the contributers to this site. I started using this site when it was launched and have been a different person ever since. Yes, I have had slip ups and have not always had the best of weeks but prior to this site, all I had was myself and my very own gloomy guilt.

The thing is, everyone of us without exception has thought to themselves at some stage right after sinning that when time for reckoning comes we will stand before the Aibishter and say 'you gave me a battle that you knew i coundn't win. Dont blame me G-d, blame him the yetzer hara'.

Those very thoughts are the fine art of the the Yetzer Hara. He knows very well that we're bound to think that way -that why he makes it so easy for us to sin cos we'll not even blame ourselves!

One of the first steps in recovery of any sort is to recognise that what you are doing is wrong. Repetition of a bad thing makes it easier to stomach the next time you do it.

I applaud you for taking the first steps in rectifying the past and starting out for a cleaner purer future. The Y'H is depressed that you got in touch with this site because now your part of a caring family that only want you to be a better person.

All of us here want to see you beat the addiction that we're all trying to beat. We all want to help each other when the going gets tough. We all appreciate that sometimes when we dont post for a while it's because we're embarassed cos we've been acting out. It's not fine to act out. No-one here will tell you its ok to sin. We'll all tell you that slip-ups can be expected but no-one is giving it a hechsher!

by the way, ive been clean from before Rosh Hashana!

Keep up the good work.