"Niceguy" posts on the forum
I'm B'H feeling exceptionally good lately since i opened up and started connecting to the forum . When the going gets tough, think of it as the yetzer dying and fighting to hold on to you. That helps to let it pass.
You have to know where your triggers are. the chofetz chaim says that's really the essence of doing teshuva. To look at the aveira, see what things brought you to that aveira or made it possible, and avoid those things.
I have to say i messed up yesterday .but i have to say also that i still feel great .b/c i know he's on his way out. a few things happened that led to it. I'm happy #1 b/c if all these didn't happen i wouldn't have done it.#2 i know exactly what i did wrong . i just didn't remember the good feeling I've had this past 2 weeks of actually watching my taiva fade . it was thrilling. i want that again. that's why i didn't allow myself to get into a depression over it i just jumped right back up and started serving H' again .i didn't even stop to regret or cry .i ran to act .and i had a great day . i did feel a little dead inside but i said I'm not going to let it pull me down. i remember that i let the feeling ride like a wave and it did go down! so I'm going to go straight through the next wave. i didn't even enjoy it .it was a waste of time .i just keep remembering that i won already and i can win again. i want to say this here so everyone will see it. i know there are those that beat it and they were in even worse straits than me. i can do it too.
We need to get people to open up, to share .the hiding is the most deadly part of it and once that is behind you a huge battle is already won. people need to know how many were suffering like them but have beat it. one more day clean. one day I'll be saying i haven't touched myself in an assur way in years! can you imagine the kedusha ! i've just started the road and i already feel big Siyatta Dishmaya in my life and learning! i want this to continue!
Please don't give up! you can really do it. i know what you're feeling b/c i felt it myself. i was there and now I'm not. it hasn't been long but i am already worlds away from where i was. i have hope and i can look at Rosh Hashana w/ hope and good feelings. what did it for me was this forum! stay here speak out your feelings get support and you can do it.