Guard Your Eyes

I am not very educated in these things, but from my own experience and struggles I can at least say: G-D is very true and frequently helps you when you ask for the right things (in the right way)!

Every time you look at the sexual side of a woman, you do something that brings you away from goodness again. It is important to learn how to not look at women, and if you have to, only into the eyes!! It is very, very, very hard (as I have learned), but it will help you in many ways. Always look at the character of the people, not the appearance. That is the right way.

"For the past few months I have been going through a difficult time, which I don't care to share w/ you in this talkback. But I will tell you that during this period, I have been EXTRA careful in regard to Shmiras Anayim. I can't begin to tell you how strong my Davening and learning Torah has become since I began a real sincere effort at guarding my eyes. I truly don't look at anything I'm not supposed to....and if something gets in my line of view that shouldn't, I immediately turn away. Sometimes I find just taking off my glasses works wonders, if the setting is not tznius. At first it was difficult, what w/ all the junk on the internet, not to mention the T.V and public places. But now, its not only easy and second nature, but I find it extremely rewarding."

i have about 30 years experience fighting the horrible monster, the vicious, decietful, evil, wicked, rotten, cruel, merciless, mean menuval. for now, i have a few points for you. firstly, you wrote that it seems the only real tests are when i fail. let me tell you from experience, THAT IS ONE OF HIS MEANEST TRICKS. he even once convinced me that i had grown out of the taava. make it very clear to yourself that every hour that you dont do an avairoh is a great victory and a tremendous step in the right direction. even if you- chas veshalom- ultimately give in to the urge, every second that you held back is an immesurable achievement. so start counting your successes. secondly, the shyness definately does have alot to do with it. if you can develop a ciose relationship with a good rabbi, i believe it will help alot. thirdly, the main cause is probably anxiety and/or depression so you really have to concentrate your effort on simcha. the best solution there is, is to put alot of energy and livelyness in to davening and torah learning. the website is guardureyes.com and in my opinion it is one of the best things in the world, and this forum is even better.

Say that (if) you stop doing an aveiroh it should be for the benefit of a neshomoh, and say the names of various niftorim that you really owe something to (parents, rabba'im etc.)? That's a powerful incentive, at least for me. Otherwise, by doing aveiros, these neshomos can be Ch'V be hurt.

Due to the nature of my company I must have internet access. Here are some suggestions which I have heard heped.

a. have a friend who will be emailed EVERY sight link that you visit.

b. have a gadol that you can meet with once a week to tell over how your week went.

Carry a pocket calendar. On any day that you falter, put a red mark on that day. Review the calendar every month, or a certain time period. This could help in 2 ways:

a. If you see many red marks, you have a concrete reminder of how many times you have sinned, and how much of your life it is taking away.

b. If you start to see a significant decrease in the number of red marks, then you know that you are making progress, which might give you encouragement to continue fighting.

Heshi Writes...

It has helped me to put a sticker on my computer reminding me of some kind of Yirah or Kedusha. I used to have shem Hashem but I slipped once and felt disgusting that i defiled the name of Hashem. Plus people would get freaked out when they used my computer. So i just put on a new one after hearing a great shabbos shuva drasha. "Kedoshim tihiyu!" It shows me that Hashem expects it from us, and he know we can do it.

Elisha Writes...

I used to have a bad addiction to internet porn. One day I decided to fine myself 1000 shekels everytime I looked at porn. That stopped my problem cold turkey. Try it.