Q. I decided to tell my wife about my porn addiction so we can work together on it. But she is taking it very hard. I hardly slept last night!
A. Your wife is 100% normal and you can expect another few sleepless nights. It is very, very hard for the woman to find out about the things you did. She always thought she was the only one in your life. Even though you explain her that you don't care for the thousands of others you have looked at - it is hard, very hard, for her to swallow. You need to keep telling her how much you love her and how much she means to you. Tell her that the on-line images meant nothing to you, it was just a disease. Tell her you are working hard now on yourself, and this is your tikkun - and she is your partner to help you grow. And whatever nice things you can say, even if they aren't 100% true - a woman likes to hear them.
You should know that it is a blessing that it hurts her so much. She will be one of your main incentives never to go down that road again. So accept the pain of what's going on now with love and humility. Let her "kick your behind" a bit. It is for your good. Tell her how much you need her support and tell her that even though it pains you, her anger helps you to be angry at yourself as well so you don't even dream of going back into the pit again.
Have your wife read this letter, written by a wife of an addict
Have your wife also read this letter by someone on our forum, to the wives of addicts.
See also this thread on our forum, for some interesting perspective
Your wife can also read this story and this story for some good perspective.
See here for some advice to women dealing with these problems. Also, there are chapters in the SLAA books on partnerships which will help couples cope with this together in the most constructive way. Two suggested books are "Sex and Love Addiction (SLAA) Anonymous" and (2) "Cybersex Unhooked". Both are available here.