"Mevakesh Hashem" Posts of Chizuk and the Ideas that worked for him!
Taken from our Forum
I have struggled with this horrible addiction for close to 20 years! I will not go into the whole story now, but Hashem orchestrated a whole sequence of things that brought me to a crossroad in my life. I had to choose a life of Torah and closeness to Hashem or a life of embarrassment, faliure, dejection etc.
Baruch Hashem I was able to choose wisely and am now free of my addiction for close to 6 months. I am davening again. I am connecting with my soul. I am learning Torah again. I am living a life of Torah. I am trying to spread the ways of the Torah as well to the best of my ability.
The way I see it: If I was able to use my gift (from Hashem) of persuasion and charm etc. to entice others to sin with me, should I not use those same gifts now to try and persuade and entice people to the beauty of the Torah!
I am trying my hardest to do Hashem's will ,and he is giving me the strength to become a better person, a better Jew, a better husband and a better father. One of the key things that I did was to give up watching ANY movies or listen to ANY radio stations! It is all filled with znus oriented stuff! When i am in the car I listen ONLY to torah tapes. Without the words of Torah the struggle is impossible to overcome! IMPOSSIBLE!!!
How did I break free? Originally I thought it was just a strong determination. But on further introspection, I realized that to say that would not be 100% true. Fact is, I did have a very strong determination to stop. But much like a smoker's determination to stop smoking, the determination alone didn't translate into stopping! Since I was about 11 or 12 years old, I was a very curious boy. This curiosity led me to various bad places, which had very negative effects on my life. Sure, it started slowly and subtly, but before I knew it I was intimately familiar with my bris, and was an expert at pleasuring myself in all different places, in various different methods, and at all times of the day and night.
Though at the time I began masturbating I had no idea I was transgressing a sin (or at least I didnt have an idea of the severity of the sin, and how Iwas ruining the Kedusha in my body and for the future generations that were to come from me), still it became second nature to me, and by the time I was mature enough to know that what i was doing was terrible, it was too late (or so I kept telling myself)
Yes, I was determined to stop. No, my determination alone wasn't strong enough for the over two decades that I fought this horrible addiction.
Deep in my heart, I knew that I had to grab the bull by the horns and stop this! I knew it just wasn't the way to live my life. It was having a negative effect on my life in so many different ways, but I still felt trapped by it and continued living that dark and secret life.
My family, my wife, my friends, my co-workers, and everyone that knew me, all thought I was a normal, healthy, religious guy with perhaps a "fun streak" in me, but none of them in their wildest dreams would ever imagine that I was a person with dark demons deep within me, who possessed me down to the core of my soul!
No one would have ever dreamed that I was a person capable of bowing to the whims of those demons, regardless of what they asked of me!
I think they would all fall off their chairs if they ever knew that i spent many hours a day engrossed in my darkest desires and steeped in the lowest of the low places. It wasnt enough for me to simply masturbate every now and then (which is bad too). No, I had to have every sinful fantasy of mine fulfilled! At first it was the chatrooms, where I got to know likeminded women who were also entrapped by their Yetzer Hara.
First it was cybersex. that blossomed into phone sex. From there I graduated to meeting women in the flesh. one thing led to another, and one woman led to another, and my life was consumed with real, hardcore sex affairs!
Nothing was taboo (I am embarrassed even to write these things, but as I said previously, if my story can help even one other Yid, it will have been worth writing it)
Most of the women I was with (besides the last woman I was with, for whom I had real , not just sexual, feelings for, yet have no contact with anymore since I started doing Teshuva)meant nothing to me, other than being a vehicle for me to fulfill a sexual fantasy.
Each time I sinned, I knew it was wrong. Deep down , I wished I could stop, but I rationalized it, and blamed one thing or another for my faliures, and continued doing it.
I even asked G-d on more than one occasion to help me stop (but, in retrospect I realize that those prayers werent totally sincere, as they were not for the right reasons). yet, I continued becoming an even bigger sinner.
On the outside, I looked like a typical religious Jew, but on the inside I was fast approaching the 50th level of impurity, from which there is no escape ( even though according to the Ohr HaChaim and others, after Matan Torah, there is ALWAYS a way out of Tumah, even if one reached the 50th level. So nobody out there think that they are beyond Teshuva!)
I did not seek therapy, medication etc. , as I don't think they would have helped me. Every person needs to know what works best for them, and for many people therapy, medication, group support etc. is imperative, and they should indeed pursue those options if they find themselves G-d forbid in such a predicament.
As far as I am concerned, and I think I know myself very well, the only thing that works for me specifically is to combat Tumah with Tahara.
I knew from past experiences, and from past chapters in my life, that whenever my situation of Tahara (i.e. Torah study etc.) was elevated, my Tumah wa weakened.
After I found myself - After G-d placed me at the crossroads, and i found myself having to confront my demons, that I have been hesitant (or perceived as unable ) to confront, I went on a drive to clear my mind.
I shut the radio. I was driving in silence, but my mind was filled with noise. Very loud noise.
My mind was racing with all sorts of options for the path I would take for the rest of my life.
Was I ready to give up sin?
Would I survive a life without masturbation and illicit sex?
Would I manage to never again watch TV or movies?
Was I ready to finally commit to Hashem after all these years for real?
Would Hashem even accept my Tefilos and my teshuva? I was after all a soul that was filthy and ruined.
Would I have the guts to tell the woman I was "in love with" that i would never speak to her again?
My mind was hoping for the answer to all of the above to be a resounding "YES", but the Yetzer Hara (who of course came along with me for the drive) was tapping me on the shoulder and trying to tell me to just give it all up, and forget Hashem, and go live a "good" life of sin.
I cried like a baby on that car drive.
I listened to some wonderful CD's of Rabbanim discussing Teshuva etc., and it felt as if they were talking directly to me and giving me the courage to go with what i always wanted deep down in the depths of my Neshama.
By the time that drive was over (it was many, many hours of driving) I had made my decision, and there was no turning back.
I came home and went directly to my computer, and deleted any email addresses, blogs, or other accounts that I had that were in any way related to sin.
I slowly started purging my home of any influences of sin. I got rid of Movies, magazines etc.
I started davening with Kavanah, and I started learning a lot of Torah (though it is far from enough)
I installed a filter on all my computers, and started seeking out sites of interest to replace the sites of sin that used to fill my down time. (which is how I found this site, Baruch Hashem)
One thing i will tell you, which is how the Yetzer Hara tries to re-trap us back into his miserable world of sin, dont assume just because a website is "Jewish" that it is kosher! It is far from the case. many "Jewish" sites are full of Lashon Hara, lack of modesty and no Torah ideas. Just be careful, and verify before surfing.
When I walk the streets, i try to the best of my ability to not look at any immodestly clad women (unfortunately this isnt easy today, as many of our dear sisters, daughters of Hashem go dressed worse than the non jews, and cause many people to sin. ay Hashem cause them to see the error of their ways and do teshuva)
Am I perfect? Not by any stretch of the imagination! However, I do aim for perfection, and that is what our task on this world is, to try our best to do what hashem wants us to do, and not be discouraged my the naysayers (who often are our best friends)
The main thing to remember is a) to never trust yourself totally (as the Mishna says) and alway be on the lookout for the Yetzer Hara's new trap and b) Hashem loves us more than we can ever love him (so says Rav Moshe Chaim Luzatto), and he wants us to do Teshuva and will wait our entire lives for us to do it.
I am sure that many people who know me (or those who I no longer allow to know me) say that i went mad! Perhaps.
But I will take being mad and following in Hashem's path anyday over being "normal" and following in the Yetzer Hara's path.
May Hashem give me (and all of you reading this) the inner strength to persevere, and be amongst the select few who merit to join Mashiach in the rebuilding of the Bais hamikdash and the glorification of Hashem's name very soon
There is a concept (brought in the Gemara Meseches Shabbos) of "Mapik Havla B'Havla" which basically means that the way to fight fire is with fire!
Let me try and explain where i am going with this.
All of us on some level have been "burned" by our Yetzer Hara. Some of us may have had first degree burns, while others third degree burns, but regardless, we are here because we are tired of being burned by that Menuval, the Yetzer Hara.
However, there is a long journey between being tired of him, and actually getting rid of him. We have all heard the famous adage, " The road to Gehinom is paved with good intentions". Though it is a step in the right direction to "want" to stop sinning, we must also do whatever is necessary to actually "stop" sinning.
Ok, so how do we do it?
Although there is no one proven method that works for everyone, I think the premise of what i am about to say can be applied in some way to every one of us who have used various tools at our disposal to sin (and who amongst us can say that we havent?!).
If there was a certain tool that we used, it means that we either enjoy that particular tool, or are good at it, or have easy access to it. Therefore, getting rid of that tool won't be an easy task. So, instead of getting rid of it, use that same tool for good! Use that same tool for a Mitzvah! Use that same tool to help others stop sinning! Here are some examples of what I mean:
Tool #1: Blogs etc.
Many of us have, or had in the past our own blogs or websites, where we connected with many likeminded people, and oftentimes ended up in sin. Obviously, if you still operate a blog that leads to sin, you won't have an easy time quitting illicit behaviors. The key here is to delete your "sinful" blog, and instead start a kosher website or blog, where instead of being involved with people to whom sin is the order of the day, you will now be associated with people who seek spiritual growth and mitzvos!
Tool #2: Facebook, MySpace etc.
Many of us have been , or still are, members of these terrible yet innocent looking social networks. These can only lead to one place: S I N. Get rid of your profiles on these sites. There is no acceptable reason for a frum person to be there, especially a frum person that is struggling with sexual sins. There are quite a few Kosher social networks (including this forum) that we can belong to, participate in, and get to know others in. Seek out the kosher ones if you must be part of a social network, but please do not allow the Yetzer Hara to convince you that you NEED to be on Facebook or a similar virtual house of sin.
Tool #3: Anonymous email addresses
Many of us had, or still have a few e-mail addresses that we used to correspond anonymously with others (usually others of the opposite gender). This veil of anonymity is one of the Yetzer Hara's greatest tools, as he makes us seem invisible! We are never invisible to Hashem! Dear friends, get rid of all the illicit email addresses, and only keep the ones that you need for friends or work, but are clearly identifiable as yours. If you must have the thrill of having "secret" email addresses, try and use them for good things only! Start a Tehillim list. Start a Torah list! Start a Chizzuk List! Be the anonymous "good doer", and not the anonymous "sinner"
Tool #4: Colognes/Perfumes
Many of us (but hopefully many of you reading this have NOT stooped that low ever) have sinned with the opposite gender, and had illicit sexual relationships R"L. In preparation for a sexual rendezvous with a meber of the opposite sex, often perfumes/colognes were used to spruce up our appeal to the partner we were sinning with. There is a good reason that many Poskim forbid the wearing of cologne for men, and even prohibit women from wearing too much perfume if it can be smelled by men they walk by. These fragrances are a tool of the Yetzer Hara (Ever notice how these products are advertised?). If you cannot get rid of these totally, try and use them ONLY for Mitzvah. When you are preparing for an acceptable sexual experience with your spouse, put in all the efforts that you used to put in in preparation for sinning! You will see just how good and fulfilling the time with your spouse can be; a lot better than with someone who means nothing to you other than 30 seconds of sinful, imagined pleasure. Also, try and use these fragrances to make yourself smell better for the honor of Shabbos and Yom Tov, and not for the fake honor of someone of the opposite gender, who is prohibited to you.
I can go on and on, but I think you get my point, and everyone can dream up their own examples of tools that they used in their carreer as sinners. Everyone had certain clothes they wore for sin. Certain methods they employed for sin. Certain places they touched for sin. Certain music they used for sin. Certain objects they used for sin etc. etc.
Figure out your personal list of tools (your fires of sin), and then flip them around and dream up a way to use the same tools for good( your fires of good)
Again, I apologize for rambling. I hope this will be useful to at least some of you in your battle against our #1 enemy, the Yetzer Hara!
Chazak V'Ematz!
You have no idea how fortunate are those who never sinned in actuality with another person. Though it sounds fun, exciting, enticing and like a grand old time, believe me when I tell you that it is the worst thing that can happen to a person. The excitement lasts for 30 seconds (if that) and the guilt lasts forever. The pleasure lasts for a few moments, and the Teshuva for it is long and tedious.
You say that you have never fulfilled any of your fantasies with another woman, and I envy you for having the protection of Shomayim to never have transgressed this! The Yetzer Hara's job right now is to convince you that "if only you tried it once, then you would know that what these people are telling you is true, and that it isn't worth it! But, he tells you - try it once!"
THIS IS THE YETZER HARA'S WAY OF TRYING TO TRAP YOU INTO "HAVING ONE LAST FLING" BEFORE DOING FULL FLEDGED TESHUVA.
I beg you DO NOT DO THIS!!! As this is your test now, and if you fail, it will make your teshuva 1000% harder and less likely.
If you pass the test however, and I know you can and will, your reward will be infinite and unimaginably large!
People: We have to realize that if and when you fall occasionally, IT SHOULD NOT GET YOU DOWN!!! By virtue of the fact that the falling makes you feel bad and guilty, it shows how high you have climbed! That same "falling" was everyday happening in the "old you" and you didn't give it a second thought!
Today it makes you feel bad and you cant get it out of your mind, precisely because you aren't the "old you" anymore, rather a "new, improved, stronger, better, holier, you"!
The times when the Yetzer Hara realizes that you are ready for real to give up the evil addiction, that's when he tightens the screws, and convinces you with all sorts of rationalizations that you "simply cannot" give it up. He makes you feel helpless and as if you are a slave to your addiction.
Don't let him win you over again!!
Think about it objectively. Try looking at yourself from an outsider's perspective.
Imagine you were peeking in the window of your room and watching yourself!
What do you see?
You see an otherwise intelligent, caring, mature man sitting staring at a screen at images that arent even real, and were produced by the lowest people alive today.
You see people on the screen doing disgusting things that if your wife would do, you would never respect her ever again, and perhaps even divorce her.
You see yourself getting aroused by this garbage. You see yourself doing things to yourself that will cause you endless pain and suffering in the next world.
You see yourself spilling seed in vain, and creating countless angels of wrath that will haunt you for all eternity.
You see yourself having "imagined pleasure" for 30 seconds, followed by "real guilt" for a lot longer afterwards.
It's pretty horrible and despicable, don't you agree?
But it gets worse...
Now, imagine......
Instead of you at the window watching yourself, it was your wife watching this whole horrible scene unfolding.....or your rebbe...or your best friend....or your children (G-d forbid).....
You would do anything in the world to un-do the fact that these loved ones ever saw you in such a state of evil weakness, and wish you never ever had done it even once!!
The shame of that happening would be unbearable.....
Well, hopefully your loved ones never saw you in a state of masturbation, and hopefully you will never do it again....
BUT....remember....Hashem is ALWAYS at the window (It says about Hashem that he is a "Mashgiach Min Hachalonos"). He saw everything you did. He sees you now. He will see you if you ever do such a vile thing again!
The shame of Hashem seeing you like this, is the most unbearable shame imaginable. The judgment for living in sin like this is indescribable.....
But, Hashem also loves you (more than any of your "loved ones") and has brought you here to this website, amongst people who have struggled with the same issues as you. Hashem is telling you that he is willing to forgive the past, if you repent, and willing to give you the strength to overcome in the future, if you really want to!
THE YETZER HARA WILL DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO MAKE IT ALL SEEM OK. HE WILL MAKE THE GIRLS ON THE SCREEN SEEM REAL AND PLEASURABLE. HE WILL MAKE THE FEELING OF MASTURBATION FEEL LIKE THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. HE WILL MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU ARE ALONE IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR ROOM. HE WILL MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU WERE BORN WITH THIS INADEQUACY AND HASHEM UNDERSTANDS THAT AS A HUMAN YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MASTURBATE.
DO NOT LISTEN TO THE YETZER HARA!!! HE HAS ONLY ONE THING IN MIND: BRINGING YOU DOWN FOR ETERNITY!
ONLY HASHEM HAS YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND, AND WANTS YOU TO RUN BACK TO HIM FAST!!!
CHAZAK V'EMATZ!!!!
In response to someone who had a fall on our Forum
First of all, by virtue of the fact that you came here to tell us all that you are having a low week, it means you are not having as bad a week as the Yetzer Hara is telling you!
I remember, when I used to fall and succumb to my sex addictions, the last thing I would do is admit it! Not only do you have the courage to admit it, you are doing so in a public forum!
The Yetzer Hara is mad at you! Do you know why? because last week you threw him to the dogs, and took control of yourself and became a better yid.
When he is mad, he goes into high gear, and tries to persuade you that you have fallen, and that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and all sorts of bad things. He did such a good job, that you fell for it, and succumbed to his evil convincing.
All that shows is that you are human!
All humans fall. Our job is to remain strong, not to get depressed, and to get up again and continue climbing the ladder to Hashem.
You will fall again, and you will continue getting right back up and thumbing your nose at the lousy Yetzer Hara!
As time goes on, you will find that although you may fall, you will not fall as low as the time before, and thus when you get up and climb, you will climb a little higher than the previous time.
The battle with the yetzer Hara is one we will always be involved in until the day we die.
The key to surviving is NOT to get depressed! NOT to let the guilt convince you that you failed beyond repair!
In fact, the light at the end of the tunnel is there for each and every yid, especially those that are embattled with this horrible addiction to sex/porn/masturbation yet eventually overcome it!
Our failures are there for one reason: to learn and grow from them!
NEVER give up. Ask hashem for help constantly and he is right there to hold your hand!
One who thinks that they are ever "in full control" is opening himself up for a nasty fall, as the Yetzer Hara is a lot stronger than you!
One must ALWAYS realize that they are never "in full control", rather they are in the control of Hashem Yisborach! Then, and only then, does he have a chance of overcoming the Yetzer Hara, as Hashem is of course stronger than the Yetzer Hara.
As the Gemara says: "The Yetzer Hara is so powerful and man cannot overcome him, if not for Hashem's help"
We have to realize this. We have to believe this. We have to internalize this. Then we will be able to experience it and see the Yetzer Hara fall once and for all!
If anyone reading this does not have their Tzitzis displayed on the outside of their pants, and rather has them tucked in, hidden from view and dangling on the skin, near the Bris: PLEASE CHANGE THAT! PLEASE REALIZE THAT THE SEFORIM ARE VERY CLEAR THAT ONE WHO HIDES HIS TZITZIS IN HIS PANTS IS NOT DOING A GOOD THING. DISPLAYING YOUR TZITZIS PROUDLY AS A JEW WILL DO WONDERS FOR YOUR BATTLE AGAINST THE YETZER HARA IN MANY AREAS ESPECIALLY IN THE ARE OF SEXUALLY ORIENTED SINS AND SINS OF LOOKING AT IMPROPER THINGS!
I heard that as well ( i think in the name of the Chofetz Chaim) that at the precise time that you are overcoming your Yetzer Hara, say to Hashem " Father in heaven, I have an urge right now to___insert sin here _____, yet I am not doing it, for your sake. Please help me____insert request here____ in the merit of this act of overcoming the Yetzer Hara"
YOU fill in the blanks!!!
Hashem is listening, and NO Tefilah EVER goes blank!
We all are obsessed with girls. we all have bad thoughts. The Yetzer Hara has a way of getting us to think of girls even while we are praying the amidah.
The best way to fight him, is to ignore him. don't beat yourself up over thinking about them, simply turn your mind away from the thoughts every time they pop up.
keep reminding yourself that the more you think about it, the more you will potentially get yourself in trouble.
life on this world is short, and what we do here will have consequences for eternity.
learning is important, which is one of the reasons I channeled my obsession with the internet away from porn and into torah oriented sites. (I even started my own website www.halachafortoday.com ). I channeled my time with people away from chat rooms and facebook and started my own torah email list, which already has over 160 members.
the key is to use the tools you have and the thoughts you have and channel them in the right direction.
The sins used to take over my entire nervous system, and I used to think there was no way out of it!
But I was wrong, because there is a way to reset your nervous system, and that is by acquiring a new owner!
I used to be owned by the Yetzer Hara. But I ran (and am still running) from my previous owner, and have accepted Hashem as my new owner (he really was , is and will always be our owner, but we fail to let ourselves to believe that sometimes)
I daven a lot to ask Hashem to hold my hand...
I learn more than I used to (but still not enough)
I guard my eyes in the street and when i am online, and if i by mistake see a pretty girl who in the old days would turn me on and make my bris go wild, I instead think to myself that she is a agent of the yetzer hara who makes her dress that way to cause me to sin and burn in hell.
I turn away and thank Hashem for allowing me to turn my life around.
Keep davening.
Give Tzedaka, and do mitzvos.
Ignore what people say and think, you do what is right in the eyes of Hashem
Also, punish yourself every time you get turned on, get hard, or touch yourself inappropriately.
Chazak V'Ematz!
The yetzer hara for sexually related sins is sometimes even more active, the more we turn away from him.
This is precisely how hashem wants it. Kol Hagadol M'Chaveiro Yitzro Gadol Heimenu, doesn't only refer to one persons Y"H being bigger than his friends. It can also refer to one person within himself! Kol Hagadol M'Chaveiro- One who becomes bigger than his yetzer Hara (who is referred to as his friend) Yitzro Gadol Heimenu - His Yetzer Hara (who is no longer referred to as his friend, since the person is looking to distance himself from him) Gadol Heimenu - tries to become larger over him.
In response to someone who was struggling to maintain sobriety on our Forum
The harder it is to resist, the bigger reward you will get for resisiting.
Think about it objectively though: You are a grown, intelligent, caring Jew. A son of Hashem and a descendant of Avraham Yitzchok and Yaakov.
Millions of Jews have given their lives to uphold the Holy Torah. Think Spain. Think Germany. Think Crusades.
Do you really want to ruin your belonging to our holy nation for a silly 30 seconds of playing with your bris?
Its ludicrous, yet millions have unfortunately done it, and continue to do it.
But think about it objectively for 30 seconds, and you will realize you have the strength necessary to overcome this silliness and overcome the urge to masturbate forever!!
Next time you have the sinful urge, imagine your father, grandfather, wife and bother is staring at you while you unzip your pants!
Can you imagine the shame?!
Now, know that Hashem is WATCHING YOU!!! the shame is worse than anything you can imagine.
Overcoming this urge will cause Hashem to WATCH OVER YOU instead of chas V'Shalom WATCH YOU SPILL YOUR SEED IN VAIN!!
dont do it. It just aint worth it.
Chazak V'Ematz
Sometimes, the hardest things to change are the "little stuff" that keep us attached to the Yetzer Hara. This is actually one of the Yetzer hara's biggest ploys to keep us in his camp.
Allow me to give a few examples of what I mean. ( I am gearing this post to men, but it can just as easily be adapted for women struggling with these issues as well)
1)We all have legitimate dealings with women throughout the course of our day and throughout the course of our lives, and this is unavoidable in most cases.
When you refer to a woman as "Mrs /Miss so and so" instead of using her first name, it automatically has less of an intimate ring to it, and less of a chance of any sin coming about between you and her.
From now on, resolve to never call any woman who isn't related to you by her first name! Besides being Halachically more acceptable, it will help you minimize your closeness to them and thus help you avoid sin, and become a better person. (go through your contacts on your phone as well, and change all the first names to Mrs. as well.)
2) I am assuming that most of the men on this site wear Tzitzis. (If you don't, I suggest you get a pair, as wearing them is a huge Mitzvah as well as a great tool against the Yetzer Hara)
Now, besides for the fact that wearing Tzitzis proudly at the side of your pants is the Halachically ideal way to wear them, it will also announce to the world that you are a Jew that takes his responsibilities seriously. Women who are vulnerable will usually avoid men that wear their Tzitzis proudly and distinctly. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but from experience, and from my dealings with many people, i can say that this is in fact the case.
From now on, resolve to wear your Tzitzis proudly, and it will help you avoid sin, and become a better Jew and a better person.
3) Most of us here, from time to time (or more often) have peppered our conversations with words that are considered vulgar. Without spelling them out for you, I am sure you all know which words I am referring to. (most of them are 4 letter words).
One who works on refining their speech, will automatically become a more refined person. The more refined a person one is, the less chance there is of him sinning in the arena of sexual sins. I think that is a proven fact.
From now on, let us resolve to rid our lexicon of words not befitting the tzelem Elokim that we all are, and it will help us become better Jews and better people.
You see, the few examples above seem so trivial and insignificant, yet they can change a person from a soldier of the Yetzer Hara into a soldier of Hashem.
In Hashem's army we refer to women respectfully (Mrs. so and so and not as Surie, Jessica or Rachel)
In Hashem's army the uniform proudly displays our Tzitzis (instead of stuffing them into our pants as if we are embarrased of them)
In Hashem's army our vernacular is clean, refined and holy (and not riddled with vulgar and profane cursing)
It's Elul and Hashem is looking for a few good men to join his army!
Be one of them!
The Yetzer Hara is also looking for people to join his army, but believe me, the pay is better in Hashem's army!
This weeks parsha it says "Lo Sechanem" meaning it is asur to give gifts or compliments to goyim or anyone not on "our team" (see rashi)
One may not say about a non Jewish person (a movie actor for example) how handsome or pretty that person is!
let's apply that concept to the yetzer Hara! He is not on our team! Do not give him gifts (by doing as he says) or compliments (by agreeing that his ideas are good)
In response to someone on our Forum who claimed they were having a down day.
Hi! You're not having a down day. It's just the Yetzer Hara making you feel like you're having a down day.
You are a yid, a ben Avraham Yitzchak V'yaakov.
You are a child of the Ribono Shel Olam.
You did so many Mitzvos in the past day, week and month and earned unlimited Olam Haba.
You are part of an elite few Ehrliche Yidden amongst a world populated by non frum jews and Goyim.
Hashem is looking after your every need from the largest to the most minute detail.
So tell me, is it possible considering all of the above that you are having a down day??
It must be the Yetzer Hara, who is seething mad at you for becoming a better person and leaving his camp, that is trying to make you feel down in the hopes that you will run back to him for some "false" comfort.
You are better and stronger than that though and you will NOT fall for his baloney!
Lastly, it is not me you will have to give a Din V'Cheshbon to, it is the Ribono Shel Olam, Melech Malchei HaMelochim, Borei Kol HaOlam Kulo to whom we will all have to answer to.
He knows how hard it is for you, and he knows that you will prevail and overcome the Yetzer Hara, our enemy.
Chazak V'Ematz!
Wherever a person's thoughts are, that is where he is! And it works the other way around too, wherever a person is, that is where his thoughts are. Allow me to demonstrate this with the wisdom of Rav Dessler Zt"l
Chazal say that when one says Krias Shema he should gaze at his Tzitzis. Seeing his Tzitzis (which were blue from Techeiles in the time of Chazal) will make him think of the sky, which is blue, and thinking of the blue sky will lead to thoughts of Hashem who made the sky, which willlead to thoughts of serving hashem etc.
Somebody once told Rav Dessler Zt"l that he doesn't understand the above Chazal, as which person when he sees his Tzitzis will have the whole domino effect of thoughts that lead him to think of Hashem?! That is o far fetched!
Rav Dessler responded: Chazal say that one should not walk behind a woman, as walking behind her will lead him to think about her, and thus to think about other women and thus to think of sinning and eventually lead him to sin. "That thought process you identify with and don't think is far fetched?" asked Rav Dessler? When the man responded in the affirmative, Rav Dessler explained:
A persons thoughts go in the direction that the person is heading!
If you are a person heading in the direction of sin, everything you see, hear or say can easily lead to thoughts of sin!
if you are a person hesding in the direction of Hashem, everything you see, hear or say can easily lead to thoughts of Hashem!
Brilliant!
Regarding your last point about not touching or looking at the bris, it is also so true and important! Boruch hashem it has been many months since I have looked at my bris, and I can say with confidence that not looking at it has definitely helped me forget about it!
Chazak V'Ematz!
I dont know why, but reading the posts today (by battleworn, niceguy, jack, Chasdei avos and the rest of you holy Tzadikim on this forum) have made me cry. literally.
I am sitting here all alone in my office and have tears of emotion running down my cheeks as I write these words.
A year ago, a week before Rosh hashana 5768, I was sitting here all alone in my office and be doing everything that Hashem didn't want me to do. I would be sitting here thinking harmful thoughts with my mind, seeing terrible sights with my eyes, uttering despicable words in my mouth, doing horrible actions with my hands, and perhaps worst of all,I would be sharing it all with others and cause them to sin as well. I was a Jew by birth, but not acting or living as one.
Fast forward one year, to one week before Rosh Hashana 5769,and I am sitting here as a Beryah Chadash (a new person), with Hashem's help, trying to control my mind from thinking anything bad, being extremely cautious with my eyes to not allow them Chas V'Shalom to see any To'eva or Devarim Asurim, controlling my mouth from speaking any foul language and trying so hard to not speak lashon Hara etc, Baruch Hashem I am in control of my hands and havent violated my Bris Kodesh in almost 7 months. And best of all, B'Chasdei Hashem, I am doing what I can to spread the word of Hashem and help others overcome their own personal battles against their Yetzer Hara.
Thank you Hashem! I love you Hashem!
Last Rosh Hashana wheh Hashem in his infinite kindness and compassion granted me another year of life, I didnt really deserve it. I wasn't doing anything right. I wasn't davening. I wasn't learning as I should. I wasn't living my life according tothe Torah. I was only seeking to give myself physical pleasure and material satisfaction. I wasn't living the life of an Ehrlich Jew, as I knew how. It was nobody's fault but my own. I knew better, but my yetzer Hara wrongly convinced me that it wasn't in my hands. How stupid I was to fall for his foolishness.
But Hashem, who knows the deepest thoughts of every human being, knew that I had some sort of merit to keep me alive, and afford me a second chance.
I thank Hashem every day for bringing me to that crossroads in my life during the past year, and giving me a second chance. I thank Hashem publicly for giving me the strength and the foresight to grab the bull by the horns and start the process of Teshuva Shelaima. I thank Hashem for giving me the little opening, and for guiding me every step of the way and for letting me begin living my life again as a Yid.
Hashem gives many people second (and third, and fourth etc) chances. But unfortunately many people don't take advantage of those new opportunities. I thank Hashem for helping me choose to grab that chance and utilize it!
My dear brothers and sisters who are reading these words,
Each and every one of you is here on this forum because you were deemed worthy by Hashem to get another chance!
Each and every one of you has the tools necessary and the strength needed to win your personal battles!
Each and every one of you have the Zechusim (merits) to transform yourselves from formerly stained Neshomos to sterling, pure and holy Neshoms that are worthy of the title "child of Hashem"!
Each and every one of you that is here (regardless of what stage in the personal battle you are holding) is looked upon by the Yetzer Hara as his #1 enemy. It is people like you who have shown the resolve and the comitment to eradicate him from your lives, that scare him the most!
Each and every one of you will be amongst the elite few who will be chosen to greet Mashiach tzidkeinu very soon!
Each and every one of you will be in the front row to watch as the Yetzer Hara is slaughtered by Hashem once and for all!
Nobody (especially me) is perfect. In fact, the only "perfect" entity that exists is Hashem. Hashem has commanded us to emulate Him, not to become Him (because that is impossible). Hashem expects us simply to srtive for and work towards perfection, not necessarily to attain it.
Let's utilize the next week before Rosh Hashana and change ourselves, and more importantly, change the world!
You, me, and everyone on this forum can, and will B'Ezras Hashem, bring Moshiach THIS YEAR!!!!
Thank Hashem each and every day and utilize every opportunity that is given to you!
Kesiva V'Chasima Tova to all!!!
p.s. The tears are still welling up inside my eyes.
The following are a few steps that are important for anyone to succeed:
1) Don't get depressed or bogged down.
2) Remain happy at your past accomplishments and look forward to the next breakthrough.
3) Trust in Hashem totally.
4) Daven to Hashem to help you meet and surpass all your spiritual goals.
5) believe in yourself! You CAN do it.
My dear brother,
30 days?! wow! that is truly amazing. Someone who has overcome his yetzer hara for a full month, should be giving me hints, and not asking for hints from me! However, since you asked, i will say my piece. :-)
YOU are Hashem's warrior, and he is looking down upon you and saying "he is one of my main men! I will give him extra Siyata D'Shmaya to persevere"
Now, the Yetzer hara sees all this, and he is itching a lot more than you, to get you to masturbate.
So, my dear Yid, who will you side with? The Yetzer Hara, who is on his last straw and who will very soon be slaughtered forever?
Or Hashem, who was, is, and will always be the most powerful, omnipotent, kind and compassionate father to us?
It's really a no-brainer, and you know it better than anyone!
Chazak V'Ematz!