Shmirat Ainayim posts on the forum
I had a very hard start...serious withdrawal symptoms...emotionally agonizing torture!!! I would grab the steering wheel as hard as I can, and just fight the urge...until I began enjoying to fight it.....then I welcomed a strong urge, because it make me feel powerfully....mentally powerful!
Then 2 days later the yetzer hara gave up with the head-on approach, and enticed me so slyly I barely managed to realize that I was thinking inappropriate thoughts. My new struggle was to realize it......Then 4 days later, and I'm keeping myself very busy al day....it stops. wow it was great. No yetzer hara. Tisha Be'av came and went without me even realizing it till a few days later.
I still have a hard time identifying a thought creeping in, but as soon as I do, that's the end of it.
I think that part of this success is that I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of thinking these thoughts, and no enjoyment fighting it, just the stress and struggle to do so. But now that I can proudly tell me rebbe about my achievements, and post it on these boards, I get more enjoyments fighting them, its fun and exciting.
What got me through the last 2 weeks is a perek from the sefer shmirat halashon. The chofetz Chaim tells us that after 120 they will give us a sefer torah and say "READ" and when we get to all the placed in the torah where we transgressed, we won't be able to read it. How can a thief possibly read 'thou shall not steal..' he'll be overcome wit such a pachad and aima...he'll be sentencing himself to gehenom by reading it...because He didn't fulfill mit. One can transplant this to any mitzva. I talked to myself (car-rides are great for that) and verbally played out the entire scenario....'and they’re going to give you a sefer torah and make you read "Velo Sasuru....avcharei lavvavachem...veacharei eineitchemmm....asher atem ZONIM achareihem!!!" .
Eventually this became my rally call whenever I needed it. I would just scream it once (in the car again) and all thoughts of looking twice would vanish (sometimes I need to repeat it a second time).
The sefer cheshbon Hanefesh actually advises (as part of it's amazing system) that one write an essay on the middah they want to work on, then summarize that into one pasuk/sentence, then summarize that one powerful sentence into a made-up gibberish word and whenever that person need to conquer that midah he should say his gibberish codeword (no-one will know what he's doing, and verbally stating one's goals help on both a ruchnius and lehavdil a physiological level*)
_______
*A 1952 study polled the graduates of Yale asking them if they have set life goals. (around) 60% hadn't set goals, (around)35% had unwritten goals, and (exactly) 3% had written their goals. 30 years later the 3% who had written their goals where making more money than the 97% COMBINED! Lesson: write /state your goals
The same way a bodybuilder says "pain is good", and a soldier mumbles about how pain is weakness leaving the body (on his 200th pushup), condition yourself to like the fight....you'll miss it when the strong urges go away (but whatever you do, don't daven for them again....David Hamelech did that, and then came batsheva).
The gemara in kiddushin writes that Bechol Yom Yitzro Shel adam Misgaver Ulav Umitvakeish Lehameeso ...Every single day one's Yetzer Hara overpowers him and wants to kill him...Veilmalai Hakadosh Berush hu Ozrop aino Yuchal lo...and if it where not for G-D helping him, he would not be able [to overcome his yetzer hara]. Our yetzer hara is supposed to be this insanely powerful......not only that but Kol Hagadol mechaveiro Yiotzro gadol Haimenu...whomever is greater than his freind , his yetzer hara is greater too. But we have to daven for help to overcome it. hashem wants to test us. he wants to make us kedoshim Vitehorim. The Kli Yakar wrote (?Parshas Pinchas?) that every Geder La'arayos brings to kedusha. Hashem gives us these Nisyonos to make us holy! we are capable of being great and powerful spiritual giants, if we just overcome the daily lusts of our workday. No ice cold mikva needed, sleep through the naitz minyan and you can still be a haileger Yid, a kadosh vetahor. Not only that, but the sefarim write that davka in the the nisyonos we find the hardest lie the greatest treasures, when Bnei yisrael has Tzaraas on their homes...it was to reveal the treasure hidden in those walls by their previous inhabitants. When we struggle over such vile, degrading, and beastly temptations....it's because are spiritual treasures lie just there, in overcoming it. The Slonimer rebbe in Nesivos Shalom brings that hashem wants us to have spirituals ups and downs. That we should serve hashem when we are up, and still preserve despite the spiritual decay we suffer in our downs. Not only that (unknown source) but hashem makes us purposely stumble sometimes, to put us into these ruts, because he wants our avodah to be in fixing the klipot on this level....down in the gutter. Hashem can even lower a tzaddik to such levels, because they must be fixed by someone on that level.
P.S. (from Taharas Hakodesh) davka during a moment of sexual temptation is a HUGELY opportune time to daven.
R Efraim Waxman Shlita, bring (in the '3 weeks segment' of the chazak line) that a ratzon for RA is really a Kisuy for a ratzon Tov. And a Ratzon is a very powerful thing. For example, behind every thought or action that has ever been done in history, was a ratzon that preceded it...the ratzon Hashem. When we ask hashem for something we say "yehi Ratzon Milafanecha". If we only had a Ratzon for Tov, we would be unstoppable! Therefore every Ratzon for Tov MUST have a Kisuy (covering) of RA (bad), otherwise our ability to do good would be unstoppable. In addition, the Likutai Maran says that when someone sees a weakness in his character (a Negah Tzara'as on an area of himself) it's Davka in there that he has a treasure (the potential for greatness). We see this from when Bnai Yisrael came to Eretz Yisrael, and when someone would get tzara'as on their house, in addition to the opportunity to do teshuva on the lashon hara that he said, it was an opportunity to uncover the treasures that the emorim had hid behind that part of the home's walls. If he hadn't been tested by hashem in the avaira of lashon Hara (the weakness in character trait), he would never have uncovered the (physical) treasure buried in the walls of his house. Additionally (my addition) the kli yakar (parshas ? Pichas) says that every Geder La'arayos is Maivee Liydai Kedusha! The fact that Hashem exposed us to the worst the internet has to offer, gives us here on this forum the opportunity to attain levels of kedusha that we would never have had the opportunity to work on. But how? In the shulchan aruch, hilchos Iyshus, the parameters of shemirat einayim are given very bluntly. Chazal have the authority/responsibility to make Gedarim to safeguard us from avairos, and every single person should make gadarim for himself. We who have so many more things to stay away from, have the opportunity to make so many more gedarim. The Average bachur who notices that a tzniusly dressed beis yakkov girl is walking down the street will (hopefully) just ignore her. But I'm much more sensitive than he is, and I would make an active an deliberate attempt to make sure that I don't have her even enter my field of vision. By the very fact that I come from such a rut, I have the ability to far surpass him in levels of kedusha.
R Moshe Shapiro Shlita:
The very fact that a Rasha is alive, is a raiya that he can do teshuva!
The Rambam in hilchos teshuva (perek 3) states that when a person has Roiv Avairos..."Meyad Hoo Mais." And the Raiyvid asks on him , ay we see rashaim who are still alive? So the Brisker Rav (Maran Hagriz) brings from a seforno that the Midas Erech Apayim that allows a rasha to continue living, and not suddenly drop dead, is only so long as there's a possibility for him to do teshuva. But when someone who has Roiv Aveiros is beyond teshuva (e.g. the dor hamabul) they drop dead. The very fact that you are alive and reading this, confirms beyond any doubt that even if you would indeed be a rasha, there is still hope for you. You can still do teshuva. We can rest assured that we will never come to the stage where we can justifiably be meya'aish from correcting our ways, if we where indeed there, we would already be dead.