Guard Your Eyes

"Me" posts on the forum

Let's be honest, what is the root of this terrible disease? Our computers. How can anyone sit opposite a computer with the entire world at their fingertips, and not stray away.
I personally fell into this about 12-13 years ago. In fact, when I found out what was available in 'the privacy of my home', I ran out and bought a computer. (I didn't even have money for it). I was able to vent my yetzer hara in the privacy of my home. I tried stopping year after year. The truth is, many times I did avoid the computer for 4-6 weeks at a time, and even a few times I went a few months at a time, but I do not need anyone to pat me on my back. Why? It wasn't due to my tidkus. It wasn't due to my struggling and overpowering my yetzer. NO, there were just times that I actually overdosed with porn, until I couldn't stand looking at it any more. I was exhausted with staying up until the wee hours of the morning and feeling terrible the next day. So, I did stop......until the next time when the desire would return. This went on over and over again for years.
I installed a very good computer filter, but I was only playing games. I knew that it really wouldn't help when I was the one with the secret code. How many times I put that code in and went full steam ahead until 3-4 in the morning.
I knew that if I had the code for my porn filter, I would have NO chance of success. Yet, I was scared to death that if I did not have the code, (like giving it to my wife), then when the urge came, and I would not have that outlet that I had for the past 13 years, what would I do? The urge and temptation was so strong that I thought about it, and I came to the conclusion that I might even die without this outlet. Or, I was afraid I might do something even more severe and lose control and do something irresponsible outside. I knew that this was an addiction as strong as drugs, and we all know that drug addicts who can't get their fix, they will do almost anything.
So, I was really frightened that if I cut off my access to my computer, in the end it would be even more damaging. I was afraid of this unknown.
I spoke to the one above several times about this, and I came to the conclusion that I cannot continue like this. Even if I have to die, I cannot expect to get out of this filthy hole while still providing myself with access to porn. I also knew that Hashem did not want me to die, and this was a step that he was waiting for me to take.
So......I did it. My wife put in the code.

To make a very close inter-personal relationship with one's spouse will help us to see that the sexual aspect (desire) is focused on the one that we really should/do value. If you really treat your spouse like we should, honoring her, appreciating her, giving her lot's of positive attention, it will make us love and value her much more. Then when we fulfill the mitzvah of Yachasim, we will see that we are doing it more out of the love, and the taivah is vented on the one that we love.
It will be much easier to see that the lust for someone else, (a stranger) is really a very very empty relationship in comparrison.

Rebbi Nachman says: That when one sins, it is much better NOT to wait and come back in another gilgul to rectify the sin. NO. What we really need to do is to rectify the sin with the same body that did the aveira. So, if you did an aveira with a particular eiver, the tshuva should be with the same eiver that sinned. This is the true tshuvah. So, as you say, we must do tshuva with all of our kishronot and resources (talents) that we used to sin with.

I learned a sefer which is actually the encyclopedia on this topic, Taharas Hakodesh, written by the first Shomer Emunim Rebbi zt"l. It is an amazing sefer, where he counts all of the brachah that will come to one who is shomer his bris, and he counts all of the klalas that will come for one who is not.
He goes into depth how to repair the damage which is a very lengthy process, and he mentions that the biggest tikkun is the remorse, and suffering one feels when the yetzer harah comes again, and this time he doesn't listen to him. He explains how the tears cried for one who has regretted these aveiros, will cleanse the eyes, and that he should take these tears and wipe them on his forehead. He mentions how the tears and remorse are greater then all of the sigufim.

I am curious if in fact the major cause that we are all here is due to too much lack of structure in our lives. It could be that someone who is truly occupied with an activity, (learning or working), that gives them fulfillment, they would not fall into this trap. Someone who either is not busy in their lives, (which gives free time for the yetzer to fill their minds), or someone who IS really very busy, but not with something that gives them satisfaction, this could be the cause to push them to look for "any kind" of satisfaction/excitement.

Speaking about free time as a trigger or cause, I remember seeing in the Michtav M'Eliahu (R. Dessler zt"l), that the mind is like a vast empty field. This field will not remain empty. If you do not fill it with good positive thoughts, or busy yourself with something whether it be learning, working etc, the yetzer harah will surely fill all of this empty space. So, if we keep ourselves intellectually busy, there will not remain any empty spaces for the yetzer to fill.

The Baal Shomer Emunim zt"l wrote in his sefer Taharas Hakodesh, that as soon as an improper thought enters your mind, you must immediately push it out, "Im Shnei HaYadayim", (with BOTH hands). i.e. one hand is not enough. He has to be eliminated immediately. Each mili second that he is allowed to remain in our minds, is TOO long! So, we see that the battle with the yetzer begins in the very beginning. At the start. When we have allowed him to already exist within in us, it is already too late. As we here all see. If we don't beat him in the beginning, when he starts up with us, then we will not be able to in the end for he is already much too strong for us. Each moment he gains more and more strength.

The harder we fall...the HIGHER we bounce. This is cause and affect. The harder you throw the ball to the ground, the HIGHER it will go up. Many many tzaddikim, as a result of their falls, rose to their highest heights. I have read their stories.

I have seen over and over again how we NEED to fall...so that we can use it as the catalyst to rise. Now of course, the yetzer is here with you and your fallings and he does NOT want you to utilize it for your good, so he boggles and confuses your mind and tries to do the final Knock out.

I may be wrong but it could be that in this fall, like most falls, the yetzer is telling you, "you have already fallen so much, look at what "you" have done to yourself. Everything, absolutely everything you have gained over the past few weeks, all of your tshuva, and cleansing...it is all lost. Why should you stop now in the midst of this fall. You know that if you stop you will only fall again. You know that you don't have the control to fight me. So, you might as well give in now and call it quits."

Here was my answer to his advice: (btw, chazal say to get angry at your yetzer harah, and you know that he has several different names that chazal call him , and it is good for us to call him all of these names that fit him,i.e Rasha, menuval, meshukatz, zaken, etc. So, in the midst of my fall I would scream these befitting names to this meshuketz creation. And, then when he told me, " know that if you get up, I am only going to knock you down again. What's the use. Why are you wasting your time? All of your tshuva is going to be wasted again and again." Suddenly the ribbono shel olam gave me daas, and what was it? We all know that at sometime, the Mashiach is going to come. We don't know when. It is to be suddenly and without any warning. Unfortunetly not all of us will merit to be here for his coming. There is to be a cleansing, a "Birur" before he comes. We want to be with one's who WILL be here to great the Moshiach.

I came to the conclusion that if I do tshuvah now, even in the middle of my fall, I catch myself, and start the climb upwards, (even knowing that there is a good chance that I will fall again, none the less, this is considered tshuvah. So, maybe when the Moshiach does come, I wll I"YH be on one of my upward climbs and be spared. The yetzer does not want us to think of this. He tells us to throw in the towel, why are you wasting your time? So, even if/when I do fall, it IS still worth it for me to turn around asap. It is NOT a contradiction as HE makes it appear. It is NOT a wasted effort.

To back this up I will quote the Maharal M'Prague in kenness yisroel.

He says that there are a lot of people who do NOT want the Moshiach to come. Why. For this reason. They are frightened that they haven't as of yet done their tshuvah and tikkunim and therefore will perish in the birur (the heavenly cleansing before his arrival). They are not ready, and are therefore frightened that he will come now, when we are not prepared.

The Maharal says: Don't worry! You do not have to have finished your tshuvah to greet the Moshiach. You only have to have begun the process, i.e be on the upward climb, even though you are presently on a low level. He compares this to an Eruv Tavshilin. What is an Eruv Tavshilin. If we start to cook now...then via the eruv tavshilin we can continue to prepare for Shabbos. If you don't begin the preparation now, then you won't have anything, but if you DO begin now,(not neccessarily complete) only begin to cook now, (begin your tshuvah-your upward climb), then you WILL have what to eat for Shabbos,(you will merit to great the Moshiach). This is the secret that Mr. Yetzer HaMenuvil does NOT want you to know. So, you see, no matter how low you are now, and even if you will fall again, and again, (hopefully less and less frequently), then the chances are that you will be on the upswing when the Moshiach comes.

Ahhh, the Yetzer Harah. Yes, this shmendrick IS stronger than us, and yes, without Hashems help, we have NO chance of overcoming him. He knows this truth, and I personally have experienced this over many many years. I had realized that the ONLY chance I would have, would be to get closer to Hashem, and to find things that would bolster my ratings in Shemayim so that I would merit extra heavenly assistance.
As the Michtav M'Eliahu says, you cannot fight the y.h. head on, you will lose. He compares it to a spring. The more you push down on a spring, the stronger will be it's tension to spring back on you. So, it is almost like a no-win situation. You try to fight him by facing him straight on, you are finished. He is too strong.
So, what did I do to deserve the heavenly assistance that we need? I took it upon myself to tovel in the coldest mikveh in E.Y. (even colder than the Arizal's.) Every Erev Shabbos I went to this mikveh will all of the kavanos of the Arizal, and even in the winter, no matter how cold it was, no matter how rainy or windy, I would enter this Mikveh. It was so cold that I felt as if my legs were being crushed, until finally, after about 2 minutes, they became completely numb. I welcomed this numbness. But, to dunk my head this was difficult. I had to do it so quickly without thinking about. Then, when I dunked my head for the 4th time, it felt like it was being squeezed in a vise. I thought my skull was going to crack.
I told Hashem, that to cause myself physical discomfort, this I was able and willing to do, just please don't let me have to fight the y.h. with my mind. I did this the entire winter, and what happened?
IT DIDN'T HELP!!! As soon as I thawed out, the menuval was there.

So, I gave this up, and came to the conclusion, that there is no way out, we are obligated to fight him with our machshavos. No kitzur derech. So, this brings us to menachem's climbing the ladder with no rungs. I saw in a sefer by the shomer emunim Rebber, that avodas hashem is like being far down under ground. You look upward, and you can see light....the way out. So,you try to climb up the sides of your pit, carefully fitting your feet into the crevices, and little by little you get closer to the light...the way out. You carefully watch your footing, and then...all of sudden, you slip, and fall all the way down again. Once again you start all over again, seeing that light up above. And again, just as you get closer, and closer, you lose your footing, and you fall all the way down again, and again, BUT, then he says, after NOT giving up, then min hashamayim, they lower down a ladder to you, (one with rungs), and you climb all the way up.
What is the point? Yes, we cannot possibly defeat the y.h. Hashem wants us to be moser nefesh for him. I have learned that being moser nefesh is not a choice, it is the only way, that we can win, that we will get the heavenly assistance that we need. So, after we continue to try and try, then...they will lower down a ladder for us.

ON another topic, as soon as Elul came in. Mr. y.h. came to visit me on the first day of Rosh Chodesh. Actually for the past several years, he comes to visit me in the beginning of Elul. He knows what Elul is, and he does not want us to utilize it. So, here at my computer, he began to confuse my mind, and I actually started to go somewhere on my computer. To one of the loop holes of my filter. But, B"H, the filter gave me enough time to sober up, and escape his clutches.
Rabbi Nachum says, It is not enough to understand the "Ani L'dodi", we must also be responsible for the second part, V'ledodi Li, we must also take the steps to get closer to Hashem...to meet him half way.
I am shortly going to make a post on an unbelievable Torah from the L'kutei Moran, which can change all of our lives. This is the time friends. It is Elul, do all of your meseiros nefesh now. Don't wait. This is the time.

The lengths of our beards will not save us. As you know, it is not the hat that makes the man but rather what is underneath it. All of us yidden, big and small alike are near the end of golus where this yetzer harah is at it's strongest. I went to a big Admor here, and he told me, "even tzadikim have thoughts like this", but it is not the thought that makes one evil, it is what we choose to do with it. If we beat it out, we rise to unimagineable heights, and if we let it over run us then.....
That fact that you are here proves that you are going in the right direction.
The main advice I have for you is: "Simchah". You mentioned that you are full of anxiety, and this is one of the major causes of this taivah. In fact I saw it written that the first thing the yetzer does with us is to fill our minds with worries and anxieties, and then when we feel sad etc, this is what allows the klipot of arios to cling to us and over take our minds. I believe that your first step is to conquer your anxieties, and try to be b'simchah as much as possible, and remove every and any anxiety causing thought that enters your mind.
The Baal Shomer Emunim said, " that we have a mitzvah of Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah". Then the yetzer comes in to our minds and says, "what do you have to be happy about, just look around you,look at all of the sickness, poverty, suffering etc....But, we must know that this is the yetzer telling us this. He goes on to explain. "Who is it that taught us "Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah?....The Rashbi in the Zohar. And he says, "If anyone had reason to be down and sad, the Rashbi did, since he lived right after the time of the Churban Beis Hamikdash, yet, it was the Rashbi, that taught, "Ivdu......
Lachatzim Al HaGoyim! We yidden must be happy!

Here is an Eitza I saw in the sefer Taharas Hakodesh. This is for the times when y.h. is running freely in our minds, filling us with all kinds of 3D thoughts, pictures etc.

We see in the kapitul:
�� .

Avimelech captured Dovid hamelech. Dovid Hamelech saved himself by acting liking a meshugah. If it was known that it was in fact Dovid that he captured, he would have killed him immediately. When Dovid Hamelech acted like a mental case. Avimelech came to the decision, this cannot possibly be Dovid Hamelech. And, this is what saved his life.]

He explains that:
Avimelech is the klipah, the tumah, i.e. the y.h. He says that even though the y.h. is a ��
nonetheless, it still needs chomer (i.e. the brain) in order to dwell with is. Without the brain, without having the Kli, the y.h. this klipah, cannot attach itself to us. So, when we do what Dovid Hamelech did, i.e. be mevatel our brain, and act like a complete meshugah, this klipah, cannot stick to us.
So, when the y.h. begins to take over our minds, attaching himself to our brains, we are to do what Dovid Hamelech did. Go to a private room, stand opposite a mirror, and do your best job of acting and turning yourself into a complete mental case. THis means to do what Dovid Hamelech did. Start to moan, groan, and make all types of strange sounds. Distortate your face as much as possible, and stick out your tongue, spit, and salivate etc.
When we have temporarily removed the capacity of our minds, the y.h. has no place to cling and attach itself. This is what saved Dovid Hamelech. As it says: ��

I saw in the sefer Shomer Emunim, the Holy Rav A. Rotha revealed one of his own battles for our sake. So, that we should have just a glimmer of what Avodat Hashem is.

He explained that when we are feeling true desire to serve Hashem, to learn his Torah, to daven to him, to put on teffilin...what ever it may be, there are times, when we feel true spiritual uplifting. Sometimes we do the mitzvos and feel unbelievable devekus to Hashem. We feel so close to him through the fulfillment of his mitzvos. This he mentioned is a gift from heaven, but it is just that... a gift. There are many times when in Shamayim, they want us to do it all alone...by ourselves. This means not only do we feel nothing, no excitment when we do G-d's avodah, but we are actually "unplugged" from the heavens, and they want us to do alone.

He told on himself: (let us not forget this man was an incredible oved Hashem). He would learn and daven all day long, and then came the time that not only did he have NO desire to even open a sefer, but to just think about opening a sefer was as he put it: Mar M'Maves, (as bitter as death). Imagine a tzadik who spent his entire life shteiging all day long, and now to even think of opening a sefer was as "bitter as death." He understood that the time had come that in shamayim his neshamah was no longer being fed the spiritual uplifts that he was use to receiving. He explained that he went to the kever of a certain tzadik (he didn't mention who), and he davened and cried there and begged for heavenly assistance. And, there at the tzadiks kever, he took upon himself that no matter what, even if he who die,(this is what he wrote), when he would go to open a sefer, he would NOT close it until he finished his limud. No matter how bitter it would be. And...this is what he did. He mentioned that he would start to learn the sefer, and literally felt like he was going to die. Not only did he not have any enjoyment from his learning, but even worse, it made him sick. But, he continued, and struggled since he did take upon himself not to stop until he had finished his limud. In the end, he said that he finally did finish his limud, and then immediately after, he felt the taste of Gan Eden. From Shamayim they had sent him an unbelievable sweet taste of heaven.

So, he wanted to teach us, that many times we are left to "do it alone", but if we persevere, then in the end, we WILL be rewarded.

I saw in the helliger sefer Taharas Hakodesh. The first Shomer Emunim Rebbe described how he knew of a man that totally was Metaher (purified) himself to such an unbelievable level of purity. He was like a tzadik. Then, about 30 years later, in a sudden moment (the yetzer did a suprise ambush attack on him) and he fell to the very very bottom!
He pointed out from this, we can never ever underestimate the prowess of this demon. The yetzer hara knew that this tzadik would not let him break though, so what did he do? He has lots of patience. The yetzer is not in a hurry. He let this man be for years and years. He let him do all of his avodas hashem, shteiging in learning, teffilah etc, until this man started to believe that he was actually free of the yetzer harah. He broke him and the yetzer left him for ever. So, after 30 years, he let his guard down, and then all of a sudden boom, he gave him such a zets, and he lost everything that he had worked for.
So, when things are going good. We are feeling strong and confident... be careful, he has NOT left us.

I B"H have been doing very well for the past couple of months. I don't usually get this far, but it is mostly due to having removed my accessibility to porn, i.e. (giving the code to my wife). I always knew deep down, that as long as I was "in charge" of my code, I would be completely not "in charge" of my actions. I knew that I was fooling myself. When I finally became so disgusted at being out of control, I knew that I would have to make this life changing decision, (giving my wife the code) while I was still in that state of disgust. I knew that if I took the time to think about it, then I would loose this opportunity to change.

We learn by Bilam Harashah, that he was able to determine the exact moment that Hashem was angry each day, so that he could try to be M'kalel Am Yisroel at this time. Well, we know that Hashem is overflowing with Rachamim, and he does love us, and we see how much patience he has for us, i.e. when we look back over so many years, how many sins we have done, over and over, again and again, and yet, Hashem has not destroyed us. We are still here. Such patience means such love, and rachmanus that he has for us. He knows we can do it.

So, just like me and the rest of us here, I am sure that you have felt a moment here and there, when the yetzer has weakened his grip on you, when the itching has subsided to some extent. What is this? If Hashem would allow Bilham Harashah the ability to determine the moment of his anger, how much more so, for his Am Hakadosh, will he allow us moments here and there when the yetzer's hold on us has weakened. And, Hashem WILL give us the ability to feel this moment which is interspersed throughout our struggles.

This is the time to make your life changing decisions. I mean those concrete decisions that will literally save your neshamah. You must take advantange of these sweet gifts from Hashem and save yourself. It was one of these sweet moments that I snatched up (before it disappeared), and I had my wife put the new code into my filter. You know your situation better than all of us, and I would agree with guardureyes, that you may need to find another place of work. If you take such an action, (and in Elul which is quickly passing us by) do such a thing for the purpose of making Hashem Melech, you can not possibly lose in any way. You will win in both worlds and Hashem will help you.

I saw in the sefer Chofetz Chaim, that one must be willing to give up everything he has just in order not to transgress a M'drabanan, Kol Shekain a Diorisa! He was referring to someone working in a place where there was constant loshon horah being spoken (just hearing L"H is an aveira) And of course, if this is difficult to do, what does Chaz"l say.... "The more difficult your sacrifice...the greater your reward."

I had written in a previous post, the eitza from the holy Ba'al Shomer Emunim, and it is worth while to state it again and again. As soon as any unclean thought, or vision enters your mind, you MUST remove it "WITH BOTH OF YOUR HANDS" (one hand is not quick enough). Each mili second you delay, will make it tens of times more difficult. I saw on a post that Elya mentioned that he can look at something "for 3 seconds", and then go on his way. I don't know how he does this, but those 3 seconds would kill me. I know this, and therefore I cannot let any tumah enter my daled amos. Of course when I turn the corner and suddenly in front of my eyes is something harmful, I must immediately turn away, and also GET OUT OF THE WAY! If I stay there, then I will feel the pull of my head in that direction.

You are so fortunate that you are here, and that you are a yid, and that you are in the midst of Elul. Take that jump into the waters. I promise that you will not regret it!

One last thought:

I saw in the L'kutei Moran, torah 25, an unbelievable limud that pertains to all of us (the following is my Hakdamah) We have our ups, and then our downs. Then we go up again and down again. Some times when we start to fall, we get depressed, and maybe even say, Ribbono Shel Olam, why have you left me to fall again. Especially after all of my hard work and strides to cleanse myself. Was everything I worked for a complete loss?
So, Rabbi Nachman Zt"l states that there is not 1 yid that is on the same madreiga as another yid. Everyone of us is standing on our own madreiga. Then, when we begin to rise to the next higher level, we are in fact taking over the place of the one who was previously above us. Each level has it's own klippot that must be dealt with and must be subjugated by us. The one who was on the higher level, he was matzliach to win the battle over these klipot on his level, but, now when he goes up one rung, and I begin to go up as well, and take over his place, these klipot come alive once again, and it is up to me to subjugate them. This is the struggle that I am feeling. This is all of the Taivos that start to enter my head again. It is these klipot that are waiting for me at the next level UP. Yes, the previous neshamah that was there put them under control, (he beat them, and so he conquered this level), but now we must do this once again for ourselves. This is part of GOING UPPPPPP!

This is incredible. I always use to think that I was doing good, and then after several weeks, all of sudden I could feel the lusts, and thoughts coming into my mind, and I feared that I was falling down again, and that I was going to lose everything I had gained, and in reality, these re-newed lusts, and thoughts were really due to the fact that I was approaching and coming to the next level UP!! I was going up, NOT down. I was in fact battling for new territory.

A post to strengthen someone on the forum

Don't think you are alone. My Y"H is keeping me busy. I knew from the previous patterns that he would start with the Yom Tovim. Just as we have been saying through out the posts, when there is more kedushah, the menuval comes to try and take everything away from us. He has been putting the most crazy ideas into my mind. Even towards the end of Neila, he was filling my mind with tumah, BUT, I knew that he was angry, and I did not get depressed about these ideas. It wasn't me that was thinking them. So, I just pushed them out asap and prepared for Sukkos.
Just imagine, I was sitting with my wife in the Succah, and she was thinking about inviting some girls for Shabbos-Yom Tov who are checking into becoming frum. Yes, what an opportunity to do Kiruv! (this is what the menuval is saying to me). It is known that these girls don't dress properly according to our standard, i.e. tight dresses etc. I B"H said out loud, "this is not for me" and my wife understood, but, immediately afterwards, the menuval pumped a strong feeling of remorse into my entire being for having spoken up and "lost the opportunity".
We are WINNING together! Just instead of fighting him head on, (i.e. when he pushes you, don't push back) but rather try to move to the side when he comes. As it is known that we cannot think 2 thoughts at the same time, so try to be mesiach da'as from his gibber and put a different thought into your mind. Even 100 times.

Dear friends,

Please let us not be tricked by this filthy stinking, ________(fill in the blank) menuval.

Yes we know that during the Chagim, he tried to stick his foot in many times, because when there is greater kedushah(the yom tovim), then there is greater tumah, i.e. Mr. Menuval.

But, now we have finished with the chagim. Let us not forget that on one hand it was the Chagim that helped us. We tuned into the kedushah and ran from the tumah. We used the kedushah as a catalyst to jetisin from his filthy grasps. Yes, he was still there, but at the same time we had tremendous Kailim, (tools) at our disposal.

Now as we enter the winter, back to the "chol", he will start once again to boggle our minds with worries, anxieties etc, and we will not have the kedushah of the yom tovim at our disposal.

He knows this!

So, my point is. Let us NOT let our guards down. Yes, we must be prepared for his new attack. He is thinking..."let's see what they can do now with out the aid of the yom tovim. The kedushah has gone, but I am still here."

Dear friends, YES, lets us in fact show him what we can do. All of us together. Let's be prepared and be michazek ourselves and each other.We are NOT prepared to give in. NEVER. This is a different ball game now. We are here together, He CANNOT beat all of us together as a unit.

May Hashem help us that Mar Cheshvan will not turn out to be "MAR", but rather a "sweet" prelude to the lights of Kislev.

Dear fellow warriors:

So that we may all learn form each other's gains as well as our losses, I (for the benefit of all) wish to post an update:

When I wrote the above in this new post, I was in fact a bit concerned of: "Al Tiftach Peh L'Satan", don't start up with him so agressively. Well, in about 24 hours after my above post, he came, he gave me an upper cut to my jaw, a kick in my chest quickly followed, and I was concerned that I was going to lose everything. I have always been beaten in cheshvan, and he always starts with me after the Chagim. In spite of the blows, (no blood but plenty of bruises), I still felt some inner strength, (as a result of the chagim, this forum,and my trip to Kivrei Tzadikim.) I knew that time was of the essence. I immediately got up, a re-fortified the breaches in my walls, went out and spoke to the creator, and then I read through the many posts in this forum, (my own included). I felt my inner strength getting stronger, and I knew that I must do EVERYTHING that I can possibly do while I am still sane. I know that he will not leave me so quickly, and that in fact.........the winter battle has begun.
I did something different this time. I knew that the worry and anxiety of possibly "losing everything", would in fact lead to just that. So, what did I do? When I went out to speak with Hashem, I thanked him profusely for allowing me to win the previous war. I was a WINNER! (instead of making this ONE long battle, i.e. you are either a complete winner or a complete loser), I chose to look at this as a new war entirely. So, this means that the previous battle I have won hands down, and this win cannot be taken away from me! You hear this you filthy menuval, meshukatz, zaken, k'sil, etc. It's is too late. I won the this battle and YOU lost!!!!! (Please all of you fellow warriors that are holding at day 30, 40, 50 etc, please don't look at this as one long battle that may eventually lead to failure. Be careful of this menuval. He holds degrees in all facits of psychology. If he starts to weaken you by telling you that he will not leave you alone until you give in, and you will lose EVERYTHING you have worked for,(he is using the anxiety, worry depression tactic), then you must pull a quick one on him, a declare that during the previous 50 days you totally over powered him, and you are now going to declare a WIN, not a truce!
Now, for the winter, you are starting a new battle with him. I am also going to change my tactics and look at it from a different perspective.
We have a choice to either start a "new" battle because of failure Chas V'shalom, or because we in fact WON the previous battle, and now we are going to go into deeper territory. He tells us it is one LONG battle, and eventually we will tire and lose, but I have chosen to tell him that the winter is a NEW battle and in fact YOU lost the previous one!!!!
In fact, R. Nachman says that one needs to be a bucky, in Ratz V'Shav. We cannot always be going ahead and soaring high into spiritual gains. We will eventually go too fast, and hurt ourselves. We must learn when to run and take ground, and then to come back inside for protection until it is safe to go out again. This is what we did during the Chagim. He says that Yom Kippur is the bechina of Tikkun habris,and after we have accomplished this, we are on such a high level that we can go out and soar to tremendous spiritual heights. So what do we do? We go out of our houses and into the Sukkah. Now, it is time to come back inside again. If we stay out too long, we will be damaged...he will get us.
Using this limud, I am choosing to stay inside, re-group, and go into a protection mode, and then maybe during kislev, I will be able to go out again for a short period and gain some higher spiritual goals.

B'kitzur I have now begun the battle of ��"� and in the previous year, the menuval has been declared a LOSER.

Please, no one should be fooled by the menuvals threats of weakening you until the very end and then taking everything. NO, declare your win now. This way you cannot possibly lose the previous battle, nor will you declare a truce with this filthy Menahel Ma'arechet HaBiuve.(supervisor of the sewage system).

So, now I am going back into the mode of pain. "No pain no gain." B'Ezras Hashem, I will be zocheh to the pain of the "workout," and not the pain of the "loss."

"Me" answers a young woman who posted a question on the forum asking what to do about a strong sexual addiction that she fell into, in a relatively short period of time.

Dear Bas Yisroel:

Know that it is through Hashems immense love for you, that HE brought you to this place. You have questions, (from your post it is obvious that you have been thinking about your lot in life).... and Hashem has led you to THIS place.

Please believe that Hashem wants the very best for you, and please know that the very very best that life has to offer, IS available for you. You only need one thing, and that is the desire to go for it.

You are here, and to help clarify things better so that you will know where you are:
You are amongst a group of yidden who are looking for Hashem. Looking to return L'Avinu Sh'Beshmayim. People who are truly "Mevakesh Hashem", (searching for our dear heavenly father so that he will have compassion for us, and bring us back to him).

Please use your emmuna, and believe that most of us here at this site, are much older than you. We have been fighting with the yetzer for many many years. Most of the things, i.e. his words of seduction that he has/is telling you.....we have already heard them ourselves, wispered into our ears and our weak hearts by the very same menuval, the yetzer harah, he who has but one wish and desire.....to destroy all of us. Who is this "all of us"? Hashems children, his sons and daughters that he loves so much.

Bas Yisroel,
We have many years of trials, and experiences and we all together come here to tell you that his words are all lies! We know by experience.You do not need to try and see for yourself. We have already listened to his words, and we have failed. Now, you have the great benefit to use our failures, our experiences, our learning, and return back to your father in heaven. He is waiting for you, and here you have received from the administrator of this forum,much advice and direction. You merely need the will and desire.
Forget about the past and begin now to create your new future. One of holiness, purity, and closeness to the creator.

Take but one step forward, and Hashem will take 2 steps forward to meet you...