Dear MDM, you have already made it
to 90 days! On Day 46, jack wrote:
Today is my 46th day. i've passed the half-way
mark to my goal of 90 days and beyond. it has not been an easy ride -
just ask elya or mevakesh or guard, and they will tell you that I'm not
having an easy time at all. As guard said to me in an email, i am
feeling what death is like, but it's really the death of my yetzer hara.
It's not a pleasant feeling. but i'm waiting for the end of the tunnel -
i heard there is light there.
Jack just made it to 90 days (see his inspiring log
here), and if he can do it, we ALL can. He suffers from so many
things, low self esteem, anxiety, abusive childhood, fear and constant
pain (from a burst appendix in his youth which never fully healed). Jack
is mechayev us all.
You're a ben-Melech. Remember that. It doesn't "pas" for us to wallow in
the mud where all the lowest goyim spend their lives and eternity (in
shichvas zera rotachas).
Think of all the low lifes who desire these things. What could already
be so good about it, if the lowest of the low desire it?
Look in a mirror. See yourself in third person, from the outside, as if
you were looking at someone else who desired this. Feel bad for him. And
think to yourself "Do I care what someone else wants?" Be mechazek the
Jew in the mirror, and tell him that it will pass. Life is just a dream.
Happy are those who give their hearts to Hashem!
As a last resort, there's the two "Turn Off Pages". See
Tip #11 on this
One of the previous Karlin Rebbe's was once served an expensive dish of
cooked pigeon. When he felt Nimshach after the Taavah, he stopped
himself and began to think about all the places the bird hung out, in
garbage, in excrement. And he thought about the things the bird ate,
worms, insects, until the Rebbe began to gag and pushed away the plate.
This is a segulah when desperate.
the struggle is hard and all seems dark, that's when you are shooting up
to the highest madregos. You just don't feel it, but it's an opportune
time to ask hashem for whatever you need. Call to him for help. He is
right next to you.
MDM, dont give in! the image in my head is of all
those people marching to the train from the ghetto - with sores on their
feet, typhus, etc.but they went on! and some of them made it. how they
made it, don't ask me, but they made it. that march must have been very
hard. and the journey in the train to the camps which took 3 days, being
packed in like sardines, with no sanitary conditions, and no food and no
light - for 3 days. and then they endured years in the camps, surrounded
by death and disease. and a large number survived to start anew. if they
made it through all that, we see it is possible to get through some of
the worst suffering imaginable - much more than holding back zera.
i'm sorry to bring this up, but i was brought up in the home of a
holocaust survivor, which was not pleasant. but i learned some lessons
there, and the images from the holocaust have never left my brain, even
though i wasn't there.
in order to really live, we must kill ourselves. sound
like an oxymoron? well it's a chazal that everybody knows.
Horotze lichyos, yamis es atzmo!
and for ANY addict, not succumbing to the temptation is
like dying. And no one wants to die alone, right? We need someone to be
there with us. Well, we on the forum are with you while you 'kill
yourself'. but it's really living. The alcoholic says 'if i don't have
another drink, I'm going to die'. But in reality, that next drink will
Thank you chevra.
You should have seen the bewilderment in my colleague's face when he saw
me crying as i read the post of GUE
Well i am out of it now
Thank you Jack and GUE for your quick response