Menachem Begins His Journey on the Forum
c

I am going strong now for over a week and i'm finding it really difficult. there have been so many times when i've just thought of doing it just once but somehow i manage to restrain myself. when i read your post stating that you've held out for 100 days, it gives me strength, belief and resolve to go on.
My mind has become tormented by all the images that i have seen and all the streaming videos that ive watched. When i walk the streets, especially in this weather, i feel like a caged tiger when i see all the stunning women and girls walking around. i dont know how, but recently i have been really good in controlling myself not to look.
i hope it lasts!!
Chazak ve'ematz
Menachem

 

 

Dear Crakerjak,

We are with you in this struggle. The first few weeks are the hardest. See here. Once you have put some distance between yourself and the addiction, it gets a lot easier. Read the tips on our site - one or two a day, join the chizuk list, join the anonymous telephone hot-line. Don't just assume you'll be able to overcome it all on your own. It is not easy, and group support is very important.

May G-d give you strength!

 

 

Hi all,

Ive been trying really hard over the last week as noted on this forum. I did have a fall over shabbos but i made a resolve to try even harder. i would love to know more on the live phone session. i live in the UK and i would really like to be able to benefit talking to other frum married men with this problem. please let me know more.....

for those fighting this daily battle "chazak ve'ematz"......we need each other in order to win...

Menachem

 

 

Hi crakerjak,
 
I'm also in this battle. Don't let a downfall make you fall down. The first downfall is after a week I'm sure now you'll be able to go for longer. Last time I fell through after 5 months now I'm up to six months and I haven't done it. Remember we might lose a battle but we are going to win the war.

 

 

Hi Snax and Admin

I appreciate your words of chizzuk. You are right, after falling at the 1 week stage I do feel a whole lot better going on for longer and more confidant that I will manage better from now on. It gives me great strength to learn that there are genuine happily married men that also suffer from this but have overcome somewhat their demons and are on the way up.

Obviously this is probably the most taboo subject in heimishe circles and the most embarrassing subject to be discussed openly, however, like all addictions, there exist support groups and anonymous relate meetings etc. I think this website is a real first in this field and I hope that others who have this problem (c'mon lets be real, most frum men have this problem on some level, the question is how many like to admit it, never mind talk about it) can benefit from it.

I think the next step for me is to join the anonymous phone in so that I can share my problems with others and hopefully learn from their experiences. I genuinely feel that I’m a recovering addict who is turning to whoever understands my plight for chizzuk. To this end, the daily chizzuk email is a real boost and helps me throughout the day,

I can write and talk for ages and ages about this subject but now isn't the time. I've taken upon myself to learn a few lines of Mesilas Yeshorim every day after shacharis - this helps to set the tone a little for the day ahead.

I suppose, ultimately, I would love to talk anonymously to another frum/heimishe married man 1-2-1, build a kind of relationship with him where we could share in each others growth and chas ve'sholom in each others slip ups. I'm from the UK but wouldn't mind talking to anyone who is interested....

To all my fellow teireh yiedden, at this stage, I just want to end by a thought that I had on Shabbos. The possuk of "Acheinu kol beis yisrael, hanesunim batzoroh ubashivyah" doesn’t necessarily refer only to those unfortunate yieden in danger in Sderot and Kiryat Shmoneh etc. It’s referring to US TOO! I’ts referring to those of US 'happily married with comfortable houses and decent standards of everyday living'  who are enslaved and embittered to the terrible tzoroh of the yetzer horah who entices us daily with his snarling long reaching tentacles that cause us to be mashchis zerah.......

We beseech from Hashem, Hamkoim yerachem aleihem (US) ve'yoitze'aim me'tzarah lirvacha - Dear Hashem, have mercy on us and tear us away from this terrible tzarah, me'afaila leoirah - from this terrible daily darkness and emptiness to the wonderful light of your shechinah, umishib'ud lig'eulah  - and take us from the shackles of the empowering yetzeh horah to the freedom of serving You with a clean heart, Hashtah, ubizman koriv ve'noimar Omein!

Menachem

 

 

I am writing to say that I am feeling really good this morning. Yesterday was a good strong day B’H. I pummeled the Y’H right where it hurts and he slunk away a beaten man. He tried so many times to entice me throughout the day in so many different guises. B'H each time I knocked him for six. I devised several different ways of controlling my eyes and thoughts one of which I find particularly helpful. When I reach the traffic lights and stop for the red signal I invariably used to look/gaze at the drivers to my left and right and make eye contact with them. I would do this after shul on the way into the city to my office. The good Hashba'os from Shacharis would be obliterated by my careless looking at women in their cars. It would practically set the tone for the day and was a perfect kick start for the Y'H. Now he had me on a roll and then it was plain sailing for him once I got into work (with the thoughts of what I had seen on the way in) and before my PC in my private office. Now, whenever I reach the lights, I look down at my tzitzis, count the strings and fiddle with the knots. I think of the reason why I'm wearing these and what they signify. I recall the words for which these holy strings were instituted - 'veloi sosuru acharei levavchem ve'acharei eineichem asher atem zoinim achareihem'. I only move off once the fellow behind me sounds his horn. I don't care making him mad at me for not moving the second the lights turn green. 'I am engrossed in my private battle that I'm determined to win so you behind me can wait 2 more seconds before moving off’ The best nachas is the fist he waves at me when he overtakes me! That’s the Y’H's fist saying 'I’ll get you next time'!

I don't think so sonny, have a rotten day and I hope you’re unsuccessful in everything that you do!!

Where did I get the strength from? I never used to have the strength to be so powerful in my self-defence. Never before did I think that I would be able to beat him with such ease.

I'll tell you where I got the strength from; from the likes of ME, ELYA K, MEVAKESH, NICEGUY and all the other wonderful fellow warriors. I tell you, I'm not kidding - if it were not for this forum, I would never have had the ability to make a start on my missile defence programme!

I am not under any illusions. I am no fool and I fully appreciate that the all empowering and conquering feeling may not last forever and there are possibilities that the defence system will be on the blink. However, I can draw strength from the fact that there are others that are willing me to survive and fight on and that they themselves are stuck right in there on the same battlefront fighting the same enemy. Not only that, they are happy to share and discuss their tactics and ideas in how to ultimately rid themselves of this cancerous evil entity. Bless you all.

Elya K, I have had a look at the books you mentioned and am pursuing the option of purchasing them. I know it’s probably a little confusing but I have spoken to you on Skype and emailed you several times. I think the confusion is that most people here (me included) on the forum use fake names to protect their privacy.

So as you Americans awake I write to wish you all hatzlacha today and I look forward every day to hearing from you. Regards from an overcast and windy (duh!) Britain!

Menachem

 

 

Just want to share an amazing thing with you that just happened.

During the summer holidays, I withdrew £100 from my Visa Card at the cash machine at the petrol station for intention to use it for a terrible aveirah. I battled with the YH for several hours, I even drove all the way to the place of the nisayon and got out the car. To cut the long story short, B'H I withstood the test and overcame the temptations. I got in the car and drove all the way home. I gave the £100 to my wife and told her to buy herself something nice.

I called the bank this morning to make a Visa Card payment. They told me that the account was cleared and there was no money outstanding?!! I insisted that I had withdrew the £100. I gave them the date and they said that I couldn't possibly have done so seeing as my card was inactive on that day!! He said that even if I did (he didn't believe me), there was no record of it anywhere on the system!!

I'm astounded beyond words....

G'day!!

 

 

Motzai Shabbos I slipped.

I woke up sunday morning feeling dreadful and once again deflated and let down. I was so close to making it a record for myself.....

I renewed my resolve and implemented a neder.

Last night (Sun night) I woke up in the middle of the night having had the mother of all nightmares. I awoke in a cold sweat shaking. I dont remember the last time I had a nightmare such as this one. Needless to say it involve death and in particulat to members of close family.

A sure sign from G-d? I dont know and dont care. It shook me to the core that as a direct result of my actions, I was killing off my offspring.....

I'm 100% committed to a clean, pure and strong week ahead.

Gut Voch all,

Menachem