One of our members had a lot of questions on Shmiras Habris and about the World to Come, and we tried to answer below the best we could...
Q1. Why is Shemirat Habrit considered so important to Hashem?
A1. Shemiras Habris is important to Hashem because the bris represents "Yesod". Yesod means "foundation". The foundation of a building is underground, nobody sees it - but it holds up the whole building. The same applies to Shmiras Habris. It is what you DON'T DO and what no one sees that holds up the entire spiritual structure of a Jew. If a person is not Shomer Habris, then even if he davens and learns Torah, the whole building is shaky, weak and in grave danger of collapse.
Q2. Similarly, why is something that is done so easily (wasting seed) considered to be murder and come with so many punishments?
A2. Precisely because it is so easy to fall, if the sin wasn't considered so severe by G-d it would be almost impossible for us to stop.
Q3. How do you know that you have rectified the brit if you have done Teshuvah after wasting seed?
A3. Teshuvah is a lifelong job. When one repents through the love of G-d, his past sins become changed into merits. The Ramba"m says that true teshuvah means that you have the same opportunity to sin as you did before -- and the same desire, and yet you don't. If you reach that, you will know that you have done true Teshuvah.
Q4. If you wasted seed, does it automatically mean that you are going to Gehinnom?
A4. If you did true Teshuvah for wasting seed, you will not go to Gehinom.
Q5. If the sin of wasting seed is so severe, why don't more people talk about it and know about it?
A5. A Jew answers a question with a question... "If G-d created everything and fills everything, why do only 1% of humans live with him consciously every day?"All the holy books are full of sayings and hints about how important Shmiras Habris is, the Talmud, the Halacha, Kabbalah and all the Chassidic masters...
See also here for more on people's misconceptions about speaking about these issues in public.
Q6. Even though wasting seed is a severe sin, isn't it better to waste seed than to go and have sexual relations with women?
A6. See here for an answer to this question.
Q7. What is the Tikkunim if someone had relations with a non-Jewish woman? It is scary, because I read that if you do this, then you get reincarnated as a dog.
A7. I didn't hear about getting reincarnated as a dog, rather, the Gemara says that the soul of the non-Jewish woman becomes bound to the sinner's soul in the world to come, like a dog cleaves to it's owner .The Tikkun for every sin, no matter how great, is Teshuvah. Always focus on the future, not the past. If you work hard on Tikkun Habris today, G-d will wipe your slate clean. Don't let the past get you down. That is a trick of the yetzer hara to stop us from doing teshuvah.
Q8. How severe is the sin of wasting seed if the person does not even know that it is a sin? Most people don't know about it or think that it's a minor sin.
A8. Obviously one is judged more lieniently for sins he did when he was not aware that they were sins. But again, the key is to look forward and not worry about the past.
Q9. What if someone is ill and can't stop wasting seed? Does the sin become a less severe sin?
A9. An ill person must seek help. He may not be in control now, but that is no excuse for not seeking help. The most ill person is still responsible for his recovery. See here for various therapy options.
Q10. I read that Rabbi Nachman had written that wasting seed is mostly due to depression. What does Rabbi Nachman say about things that will help you so that you don't fall into depression?
A10. Indeed, the Yetzer Hara's biggest tool in getting people to sin--or in stopping them from doing Teshuvah--is depression. Read this parable from R'Nachman to help. And see also Tip #8 on our "Mind Tips" page.
Q11. What happens to a person who passes away who is Shomer Habrit versus someone who is not? Does the person who is not Shomer Habrit have more suffering in the grave? Does he spend a lot of time in Gehinnom? What is Gehinnom like anyway? What information do you have about the afterlife?
A11. Nobody knows what the after life is really like. The Torah hid this from us so that our divine service should be more for the sake of heaven and less from the fear of punishment or for the sake of the great reward that we will receive in the next world.
However, the Gemara and the holy Kabbalistic books drop hints about the punishments and rewards that await the evil and the righteous in the next world. It is written that those who have guarded the bris will be protected from Gehinom by Avraham Avinu himself, who was the first to fulfill the Mitzva of circumcision. In the Zohar it is brought down many times how the angles of vengeance, and the arch-angel Dumah, who is appointed over Gehinom, have no power over one who has guarded his bris in this world. On the other hand, one who did not do Teshuvah in this world, will be chased by his sins in the next world. The Talmud brings Pesukim that imply that every sin we do will be tied to our souls and torment us in the next world if we don't do Teshuvah on them. The sins themselves will testify against us and cause us great shame in the world of truth. Also, if one did not work on himself in this world and he is steeped in physical desires, his soul will not be able to break free of the body after he dies. He will be tied down to his body until it has totally disintegrated into dust, before he will even be let into Gehinom. He will also feel great anguish that he can no longer indulge in the physical pleasures that had been so much a part of him. However, the soul of one who has elevated his physical desires to the service of G-d, will break free of the body right away after death and rise straight to its honorable place in Gan Eden.
Q12. What do you mean that he will be tied down to his body for a long time? Does the dead body feel all the animals that are eating away at it after death? What exactly is happening when we refer to the suffering of the grave?
A12. The Talmud writes that the worms that eat the flesh after death are as painful to the soul as needles in the skin (of a live person). However, this applies only to those who were tied to their body's desires in this world. One who has done Teshuvah and learned to use the desires of this world only for divine service will not feel this pain, which is known as "Chibut Hakever". There are other types of suffering as well that happen to sinners in the grave, such as "Kaf Hakela", where the soul is chased from one end of the world to the other by tormenting angels created by his sins, but since I am not a Kabbalist, I can't elaborate too much on that which I don't know much about :-) ... Let's just hope we don't need it.
Q13. What does it mean when it is said that a person has two names, one given to him by the Sitra Achra? Does a person have to find out what this name is?
A13. The Holy Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh on Parshas Korach explains that every person's name holds a double meaning, as well as a double potential. The name a person was given at the time of his bris ("Ploni Ben Ploni") has a hidden holy meaning that symbolizes that particular person's spiritual strengths. At the same time, if a person does not realize his potential and follows his evil inclination G-d forbid, then that very same name--including the names of his father and grandfather--hold a hidden impure meaning that symbolizes this particular person's spiritual downfall and ultimate suffering. That is why Chaza"l explain each of name "Korach Ben Yitzhar Ben Kehas Ben Levi" in a bad light, even though his fore-bearers were great Tzadikim. Because, once Korach had misused and destroyed his lofty spiritual potential, his entire branch of the tree, which includes his name along with the names of his entire lineage, became impure symbols of his particular spiritual downfall.
Q14. How can a person find out what their particular Tikkun is in this world?
A14. It is said in the name of Tzaddikim that one can know what his particular Tikkun in the world is by seeing in which areas he struggles the most. It is in those areas in particular that he has a tikkun to do and that his soul came down to the world to fix.
Q15. What is the best way to destroy the damaging angels and demons if we have done something wrong to bring them into being?
A15. There are many types of Tikkunim brought down in the holy books, ranging from all types of prayers, like the Tikkun haklali of R' Nachman (Tip #9), giving a lot of charity, immersing in the Mikva (Tip #10), , and crying with real tears. But the biggest and most successful tikkun of all, especially for our weak generation today, is simply doing a real Teshuvah and not going back to one's old ways. Learning to guard the eyes and giving up the lust in one's heart, these things are the biggest tikkun for all the bad angels that one has created with past misdeeds, and indeed, through a true Teshuvah, these angels become transformed into holy angels.
Q16. How does one know that Hashem has accepted his Teshuva, especially for sexual sins?
A16. The doors of Teshuvah are never closed, but Teshuvah can be a lifelong job. Chaza"l say that when one repents through the fear of G-d, his past sins become forgiven and become considered as "accidents" which are not punishable at all. However, when one repents through the love of G-d, his past sins become changed into actual merits. (For example, if one uses his past falls to help others not to fall, by using the very experiences that he had to help others avoid these same pitfalls, in a sense he is uplifting his past falls and making them into merits... This is one example that can perhaps help one understand what it means to "turn sins into merits").
There are 3 ways a person can know if he has done a true Teshuvah. All of them are true.
1) Chaza"l say that true Teshuvah is acheived "Ki'sheme'id alav yode'ah talumos shelo yashuv lekislo od" - "When G-d - who knows all hidden things - bears witness on him that he will not go back to his bad ways again". But how does a person know when G-d bears witness on him in this way? The Ba'al Hasulam explains that when a person is given a gift by G-d to truly feel that it would be as bad for him to go back to his old ways as sticking his hand into fire - that is a sure sign that Hashem has testified on him that he will never go back to his old ways!
2) The Ramba"m says that true Teshuvah means that you have the same opportunity to sin as you did before -- and the same desire, and yet you don't. If you reach that, you will know that you have done true Teshuvah.
3) The holy Chassidic master, Rabbi Mendel of Vitebsk writes that true Teshuvah is through Messiras Nefesh (to be ready to die for it) and he explains that a person can reach this level if they feel so bad about their sins that they would rather to be dead than to do these sins again. If a person feels this way, then they know they have done an exalted Teshuvah.
Chaza"l say that Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, to show us how important it is, and that without it the world would have no chance to exist. Indeed, Adam, the first man, was shown the power of Teshuvah after he ate from the tree of knowledge in that he was spared to live for another 970 years. And Chaza"l say that G-d brought the greatest Tzaddik of all men, David Hamelech, to sin with Bat-Sheva to show that even great men can sin, and also in order to demonstrate the great power of Teshuvah (See Psalm 52 where Dovid pleads to Hashem to forgive him for this sin).
See here for more on Teshuvah.
See here for some great links to help you on your path to true Teshuvah.
See here for the Breslav approach to Teshuvah.
Q17. What is the Gehinnom of Fire and the Gehinnom of Snow? Also, if a person does more mitzvot than aveyras, thus he get acquitted from going to Gehinnom?
A17. The terms "fire" and "snow" are only parables. There is no real fire or real snow in heaven. Gehinnom is really about "the shame" we will feel when seeing the truth before our very eyes, and seeing how we wasted our potential greatness and destroyed so much through our sins. It could be that the terms "fire" and "snow" describe two different types of pain and shame. (Where did you hear of Gehinnom of snow? I never heard that).
A person will need to be purified in Gehenom for every sin they do, regardless of how many mitzvos they did. It is not a balancing scale. But if a person wants to come closer to G-d and stops doing the bad things they used to do, and he merits to do Teshuvah on all his sins before he dies, then it can very well be that this person won't need to be purified at all for their past sins in Gehinom, since they have done Teshuvah and turned their sins into positive angels!
Q18. What is it about this shame that it is considered so painful for the soul?
A18. I guess we'll only know after 120, but to tell you the truth, I personally would prefer NOT to have to find out. I'd rather do Teshuvah NOW. See this video and this page for a "life-after-death" experience of someone who claims to have seen the great judgment in heaven.
Q19. Hi. I saw the movie. It was very interesting. Why is Hashem so jealous when it comes to sexual transgressions? It seems more logical that other sins are worse.
A19. I think I answered this once (see Question 1 above). But I’ll elaborate a little more… When Hashem gave us the Mitzvas Lo Saaseh (the negative commandments), it's not just that Hashem is saying “don’t be dirty and filthy like the non-Jews”, rather Hashem is saying “build yourself with the things you don’t do”. Sex and love are the deepest human emotion. And fixing these emotions fixes a person deeper than anything else. That’s why it’s called Yesod – meaning foundation. It’s the foundation of the whole building. Mitzvos Asay (the positive commandments) are the building itself, but Lo Saaseh are the foundation. It's what you don’t do, what’s underground, what people don’t see, that holds up the entire spiritual structure of a Jew. If a person is not Shomer Habris, then even if he davens and learns Torah, the whole building is shaky, weak and in grave danger of collapse.
Q20. Also, by doing Teshuva for wasting seed, what happens to the souls that were tortured for wasting seed? How are these souls being tortured? If we do Teshuva, can we be acquitted for punishment for this sin?
A20. I remember hearing once that when we do a proper Teshuvah, all these souls that were created become angels of merit and they find their peace.
Q21. When a person gets married, does Hashem forgive him for all his sins or not?
A21. Indeed our Sages have said that if one does Teshuvah under the Chuppah, all his sins are forgiven. But our Sages have also said that one who says “I will sin and then do Teshuvah” is not given a chance to do Teshuvah.
Q22. How does one know if he has killed the klipot that has been attached to him for sexual sins and other sins?
A22. We don’t “kill” klippot, but rather, as soon as a person has done a true Teshuvah, he redeems the sins from the bondage of the Klippot and uplifts the fallen pleasures to holiness. As the holy Ba'al Shem Tov said many times; every pleasure and every feeling of love comes from a very high divine source. But when one sins, the pleasures and love that he indulged in improperly fall to the "other-side", and they are kept there until one does Teshuvah.
Again, you ask how does one know if he has done a true Teshuvah? This we answered already, with three different outlooks in Question 16 above.
Q23. Also, how much does going to the mikva help in killing the klipot? What can a person do to get the most out of going to a mikva?
A23. Imagine the great power of the Mikva... think about it! If a Mikva can convert a non-Jew to a Jew, imagine what it can do for a Jew!
It is very important for a person to bring himself to have some thought of repentance before he enters the Mikvah.
When immersing, one should see himself as a baby in his mother’s womb, and when coming out of the water he should imagine that he was born anew.
Also, the Sefer Taharat Hakodesh from Rebbe Aharon Rateh writes that when a person immerses, he should meditate that as he is immersing bellow, his soul is immersing above in the fiery river of Dinor. For whatever a person does bellow, he causes his soul to do the same above.
See here for more on the power of the Mikva.
Q24. Similarly, how much does reciting the Tikkun Klali, kill off klipot and clear away sexual transgressions and other transgressions?
A24. Only great Tzaddikim like Rabbi Nachman would know exactly how these powerful set of Psalms that he provided us with, can rectify these transgressions. See here for more on the Tikun Klali.
Q25. Why does a person's organs open up and filth go on his face after he is buried? Does this happen to righteous people too?
A25. After the sin of Adam, the body was cursed to return to the dust from which it came. Every person must return to the dust, for we are all sons of Adam. However, it is known Kabalisticly and from many real-life stories, that the bodies of the very righteous Tzaddikim remain whole (until Techiyat Hameisim). This is because they had uplifted their body to such a high spiritual level during their life-time that the maggots and rot could not take hold.
Q26. I read somewhere that during the first twelve months after death, the body has not completely decayed and the soul goes back and forth between the body and the soul world. Does this mean that a person can physically feel the pain of being eaten by worms and maggots in the grave? If so, isn't this a terrible punishment for the body?
A26. Yes, the Talmud writes that the worms to the dead are like needles in the flesh of living. Yes, it is a terrible punishment for the body and it atones for the sins that we did with our bodies during our life times. However, the more spiritual life a person lived during their life time and the less a person was connected to their bodies in this world, the less they feel this pain (which is known as Chibut Hakever). Like our sages have said “Marbe Basar, Marbe Rima” – “The more flesh, the more worms”.
Q27. How can a person guard himself from having inappropriate thoughts? I know that this thoughts are a sin, but it seems almost impossible not to have them.
A27. See here for some practicle advice.
Also, whenever lust enters your head, try to imagine the filth of all flesh, veins and blood, excrement, etc... and one day rotted and eaten by the maggots.
Q28. If small drops come out of the penis, is that still considered wasting seed?
A28. I am not a Halachic authority, but I don’t think pre-seminal fluid is as serious as semen. After all, a man is supposed to please his wife before intercourse, and in the course of pleasing her it is only natural for pre-seminal fluid to gather at the tip. This fluid does not contain sperm cells and as far as I know is not “Zera Livatala” (again, I am not an Halachic authority). However, if one brings himself to an erection intentionally, this is very serious in the eyes of our sages and is called “destroying the world” (see Nidah 13). One must be very careful in this area. Our sages go as far to say (ibid) that it is better that one’s stomach should burst than he should touch his penis area and cause himself an erection.
Q29. How can someone find what his or her Tikkun is in this world?
A29. Like we answered already in Question 14, they say that the areas that you struggle in the most, are an indication that it is in these areas that you must work and that you came down to the world to rectify.
Q30. Are there specific sins for which there is chibut hakever or does everyone go through it for all their sins?
A30. As explained above, only great Tzaddikim are saved altogether from Chibut Hakever. But the less “physical” a person was during his life time, the less he will need to endure in the grave.
Q31. What do souls do in heaven after they are done with punishments in Gehinnom?
A31. They are allowed into the heavenly Gan Eden to bask in the glory of G-d, each according to his deeds, until the time of Techiyas Hameisim in the world to come.
Q32. How is each soul's heaven different from another?
A32. Every soul has a reward exactly according to their deeds. Also, the more Torah a person learned in this world, the more light he will be shown in the next. If a person learned a lot of Torah during his life time, in the next world he will be taught the secrets of that Torah he learned, and he will be shown the divine light inside it. But if he didn’t learn anything, what will they be able to reveal to him?
Q33. I heard that for Talmidei chachamim, there are heavenly academy's for Torah learning. But what about people who are slightly religious or secular? What are their souls doing when they enter heaven?
A33. Maybe they will be shown the great light of every Mitzva that they did in this world, and I'm sure they will also bask in the glory of G-d according to the good deeds they did, each according to their ability, strengths and potential.
Q34. What can a person do who keeps falling into sexual transgressions? A person may have a good neshama, but these thoughts and actions can destroy his soul. It seems impossible to get out. How could a person not look into the past and do teshuva, when he realized that his past was full of sexual transgressions which Hashem finds disgusting? Sometimes hope is lost, and shame, pity, and depressions take its place.
No matter how this person fights off his fantasies, he is still not strong enough not to let him go astray into sexual transgressions. The depression, shame, loneliness just seem so intolerable and life seems to be intolerable. G-d willing things will change, but years of lusting don't go away easily.
A34. I feel your struggle! You are a true spiritual warrior facing off against this monster. If G-d wouldn't help us every day, we'd have no hope. Cry out to him. You have no idea the power for prayer. Every prayer is answered, but we can't always see it. It may take even years until we see that G-d truly heard and answered every one of our prayers in the way that was truly best for us.
You must avoid depression at all costs! This is the Yetzer Hara's biggest tool in getting us to sin and not do teshuvah! See here for more on Simcha.
Chassidus teaches us that a Jew has to look at the past and future as out of their hands, and to see what you did in the past as what G-d wanted to happen. Strange as it may seem, your sins of the past were G-d's will. Only the present is in our hands. In the present, it is in our hands to decide if we want to change, and do Teshuvah on the past. That means that the situation you are in at this present time, is exactly the situation G-d wants you to deal with. Look at it as if you were born at this moment, with all the images and memories already engraved in your head. G-d wants you to deal with this situation, and davka this situation. And this is also a chance for greatness, to be able to serve G-d with joy even though the brain was already influenced by the past.
Those who were born with pure minds and never sinned don't have the opportunity for growth that the Ba'al Teshuvah has. The Ba'al Teshuvah paves new paths of recovery with their struggles and gives G-d true joy. And that is what we are here for.
In one of the Haftoras we read about Rachav HaZona - Rachav the famous prostitute. She became the wife of Calev and the mother of 10 Kohanim! This can give us all a lot of hope because whatever she had done in the past must have still been in her memory, and yet she still achieved these great heights. The mere fact that she had "her past" still in her memory and was still able to achieve such lofty heights, this is indeed proof that davka such a person can reach the greatest heights by uplifting their past to a level that even Tzaddikim can not always reach.
Q35. Do you know if hypnosis helps for porn addiction or depression?
A35. Yes, it can. Read through this page.
Dear Yid. Most of the questions you ask me are dealt with on the site. Please take a half an hour out each day for your recovery, and go through the site slowly, clicking on all the links.You will find a treasure house of tips, advice and information!
Q36. When you write that worms that eat the body are very painful, is it physically painful, or is it painful for the neshama to watch what is happening to the body? Also, when you say that the person who heavily indulges in physical pleasures has difficulty seperating from his body, does this mean that he physically feels all the worms and maggots that are eating at it? In what way is a person alive while in the grave? What does it mean when it is said that the nefesh of the person stays at the grave? I just feel that it would be a terrible punishment for someone to physically feel these animals eating away at it in the grave.
A36. I've never been dead so I can't say. All I know is the words of our Sages that "worms for the dead are like needles in the flesh of the living". I assume this is some sort of parable, in the same way there is no real "fire" in Gehenom. However, the pain will be real.
Q37. Sometimes there is so much anger about the depression and sexual addiction that a person asks "why me." This anger is so hard to overcome and it hurts the person's emunah in Hashem. What can a person do to overcome this anger and to make progress in his life?
Q37. I honestly had you in mind when I wrote today's chizuk e-mail (#262 - Click here and scroll down). The difficulties we experience in our struggles with the Yetzer Hara are actually Hashem's biggest gift to us, because through them we are always dependant on him for help and always connected with him. And this is more precious to Hashem even than our progress. For after all, he could strike down the Yetzer Hara in an instant if he wanted. But then we would never achieve dependence on Hashem. (See also Chizuk e-mail #290 for how to achieve Simcha Shel Mitzva through this very connection).
This connection needs to be precious in our eyes. Every time the Yetzer Hara attacks, feel the pain, but also feel the great need you have for Hashem's help as a result of the Yetzer's unrelenting attacks, and then feel the connection that you have with him as a result. So the answer to the question that you ask "Why me?" is: "Because Hashem loves you and chose you from amongst the billions of people in the world today to have a true connection with him".
Please take advantage of our forum and post these types of questions there as well. The people there give some really great chizuk! - Check it out!
Q38. But I feel like I have lost this connection with Hashem. It just difficult to regain that connection when you keep falling and try to get back up. Also, as I study more Torah, I read more and more about the harsh punishments for sexual transgressions, and this really scares me.
A38. Do you have a strong Internet filter? Did you join the weekly hotline? Are you reading through the tips on the site and trying to implement them? Do you have a sponsor / partner to encourage and get encouragement? G-d doesn't help those who don't help themselves. If you accept that G-d knows what's best for us and gave us his commandments out of love - not out of hate, you will be able to get through this and give G-d tremendous joy as well as bring upon yourself endless blessing! G-d knows how hard it is. He is very patient and waits for a person to achieve true Teshuvah.. but you need to give it your best. This is a struggle for your soul, for all eternity!
And you must stay happy at all times! The first thing the yetzer does with us is to fill our minds with worries and anxieties. Feeling sad allows the klipot (husks) of arayos (lust) cling to us and over take our minds. I believe that your first step is to conquer your anxieties, and try to be b'simchah as much as possible. Remove every and any anxiety causing thoughts that enter your mind. The holy book the Shomer Emunim said "we have a mitzvah of Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah" - "Serve Hashem with joy!". He goes on to explain "Who is it that taught us "Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah?....Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochi in the Zohar. And he says, "If anyone had reason to be down and sad, Rav Shimon did, since he lived right after the time of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, yet, it was specifically him that taught us this. Because he recognized that there is no greater triumph for the Yetzer Hara than for him to get us down. In such a state we are his.
May Hashem give you strength. You are a brave man not to give up and keep trying!!